Does anyone actually care about Eurovision anymore, in any way that doesn't involve irony or drinking games? Turns out that none of the Amusemenents clan had even heard the UK's entry in the build-up to this year's competition, so some deliberate YouTubing took us to What The Hell Just Happened? by Remember Monday. For my money, it's pretty terrible, features one of the worst first lines in pop music history ("Someone lost a shoe"), and can't seem to decide which of three different types of song it wants to be. If it's in the top half of the table at the close of Eurovision proceedings... well, I don't wear a hat but if I did I'd be seasoning it and finding some cutlery.
But anyway, you've read the title of this post and are possibly wondering what the Sunovision Song Contest is? Let me explain.
Last Sunday night I sat alone, nursing a lovely pint, in an unfamiliar pub in an unfamiliar small market town. At the next table, a loud woman with a dog was pontificating about all manner of things, to the rapt attention of three very different men, all of whom seemed to be falling over themselves to pay atttention to her every word, apparently for the sole reason that she was borderline visually attractive. I may be oversimplifying but that's how it seemed to me, over the rim of my glasses. And trust me, I didn't want to listen in, but couldn't help it as she was quite loud in a otherwise quiet pub. After listening to how she would redesign one of the bloke's website for 50 grand, and how her dog was barking at another dog, she finally got onto Suno. "Have you heard of Suno?" she asked her three devotees, "It's incredible, look." And then she proceeded to demonstrate the Suno AI tool that enables users to provide a text prompt and have a song spat back at them. Yep. A fully fledged, multi-instrument, verse/chorus/middle eight/break/fade song with original lyrics, churned out by Suno's AI engine in a matter of seconds. Honestly, it took longer to type the prompt than it took Suno to generate the song... a song that borderline woman proceeded to play loudly from her phone, shattering the peace of the pub even more than her voice and barking dog already had.
God, I sound like a cantankerous old sod, don't I?
Of course, the acolytes all cooed, "That's amazing," or similar. And in a way, it is. Technically, as a programming and computing achievement, it is astonishing, even. But musically? Borderline woman's Suno-song was crap. Anodyne, generic, pointless, meaningless, forgettable... just awful.
And then it occurred to me, after listening to the UK's Eurovision entry yesterday and accidentally sitting through a few minutes of one of the Eurovision semi-finals, that all those words could probably be applied to a lot of the songs that will get churned out in Basel on Saturday night too. And an idea formed.
So here we have the inaugural Sunovision Song Contest. Yes, I used Suno to create the songs, and in keeping with that I used ChatGPT to create fictional countries and their representative artists. But listen up! You have to cast your vote at the end, so strap in and let's take this semi-seriously...
First up, representing Elystène, is L'Orée d'Or ("The Golden Edge") and their track Lonely Shadows. The island nation of Elystène is known for its high art, fashion, and diplomacy, apparently. L'Orée d'Or describe their style as dream power pop, and are known for their ethereal soundscapes, poetic lyrics, and avant-garde fashion.
Next up is Symphony of Collapse by Elias Vergrave, representing Ormandia. Elias is classically trained, would you believe? Of course you would, he's from Ormandia after all, a central European duchy with misty hills, medieval castles, and a strong literary culture.
Getting exciting now, isn't it? Silver Vatra describe themselves as politically charged dance punks mixing traditional sounds with modern beats. No surprise as they're representing Thesskora, a Balkan state with a turbulent history and rich musical tradition. But there's no rebellion in Dancing Kitty, an unabashed Europop anthem!
The Verdant Sigil are from Virelia, and are known for blending traditional forest instruments with modern rock, evoking the mysticism of Virelia’s deep woods and mountain temples. Not that you'd know it from their entry, the cryptic power ballad Alone Together.
Next up, the beautiful Solène Morra, representing the warm, Mediterranean nation of Caldovaria, where Roman ruins and Moorish architecture mix. Solène is a sultry and dynamic solo artist who blends classic Mediterranean rhythms with contemporary pop and Latin guitar in her entry, In the Quiet of the Night.
And finally, the bookies' favourite, Frostwake, representing Drevona, a northern land of fjords and pine forests, with a strong seafaring and folklore heritage. Frostwake combine droning harmonies with ancient Drevonan runic chants and heavy instrumentation on their lively entry, Terminverzug.
So bienvenue and wilkommen, members of the Blogosphere jury, now it's down to you. Who gets your douze points? And who gets the dreaded nul points? You must give every song a score, and you can only give each score value once. Vote now!
As ever, I'm playing with all the AI stuff so you don't have to. And let's be clear, the six tracks produced here are all pretty awful by any objective measure. Laughably so, in places. But really, are they that much worse than some of the pap that will get served up at Eurovision in Basel? Possibly not. And here's the other thing. All the AI work, the Suno track generation, the Chat GPT fictional countries, bands and bios, took less than ten minutes all told. Writing this post took me nearly an hour, what with uploading MP3s to Soundcloud, drafting my devastating prose, formatting it all and pressing "Publish". And therein lies the rub. If you want originality and quality, you might be prepared to wait (and pay for) carbon-based creatives. But increasingly customers are just going to want something cheap and quick. AI is coming for us.
Come back soon to see which track won Sunovision 2025, and what prompt I used to create it...
