Showing posts with label Internet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Internet. Show all posts

Thursday, 2 January 2025

Simplification (or, time for it all to go)

It's time to accept the Internet is never going to make me rich.

Likewise, I'm never going to win the world snooker championships, lead the Tour de France, or write an international bestselling novel. But back to the Internet and, more specifically, this blog.

For the past two years of so, I've ended every post with this, a kind of Patreon-esque way of letting readers tip me any amount, big or small, for something I've written.

Tip the author

In all that time, no-one has ever tipped me anything, which is fair enough. Patreon and the like are clearly best left for high-volume, mass-market, original content creators. None of those adjectives apply to me, or my "content". Besides, if you wanted to pay to read something, newspapers are available (for now).

Never mind, eh? For the past eighteen months I've also had this in my sidebar, allowing readers to buy me a cuppa.

Buy Me A Coffee

In all that time, no-one has ever bought me a coffee, much less a notional cup of tea that I would actually enjoy. And that's fair enough too - I'm probably over-caffeinated anyway.

So it's all going, from today. New Amusements is eschewing third-party advertising wherever possible, and becoming a public service broadcaster. With apologies to the actual BBC, whose sign I've photoshopped...

The British Blogging Corporation

All of which is my tenuous double-link to a song, Go by Public Service Broadcasting.

I especially love the very enthusisastic "Go!" from Steve Bales on Guidance. He was only 26 at the time, can you believe?

Anyway, in the unlikely event that you do want to somehow make me pence richer, you can always buy my book. Or a t-shirt! What a time to be alive.

Thursday, 28 December 2023

Sabbatical

The Terminator needs a vacation
I'm taking a break - a sabbatical, if you will. Not from actual work, more's the pity, but from here. Don't worry, if any of you were; I've put in a bit of a shift lately, writing enough scheduled posts to keep New Amusements ticking over for 2024. That's not to say I definitely won't write anything new during the year, far from it, it just means that I've hopefully removed the pressure I often put on myself to blog something (which has sometimes meant I've blogged anything, with very little quality control). And I will still read and reply to all comments. I've just bought myself twelve months without having to think of what to write, that's all.

I'm also hoping that reclaiming the free time that I would normally spend blogging might actually give me some headspace and impetus to get back to fiction-writing. Please feel free to kick my arse if, in twelve months, I'm still not back on that particular horse.

The other observation I need to make here is how much in awe I am of people who blog every day. I know I've been doing this for quite a long time, coming up on nineteen years, but I've never been prolific. Scheduling 50-odd posts for 2024 has really taken it out of me, despite the fact that some of the posts are - spoiler alert - quite brief. How some do it every day, and at length, I don't know. Cap well and truly doffed.

I should probably write a disclaimer too. The trouble with scheduling posts in advance, especially up to a year in advance, is that things change - events conspire to render what you've written either wrong, out-dated*, even offensive. What if I blog about Person X and am critical of them, schedule the post for a future date, and then they go and die the day before publication? That's not going to age well, is it? Although I'm not sure how something can age in advance, but that's a question of semantics, I guess. So go easy on me, basically, if future posts are somehow wrong or insensitive or something else bad. Maybe I should go through them all and add a "Written and scheduled in December '23" footnote.

Anyway, bottom line, I'm still here and hopefully nobody will notice the difference. And I'll still be reading, and commenting on, all the usual blogs.

New Years Resolution by Camera Obscura seems an appropriate way to sign off with, especially given the opening lines. Happy new year, everyone. Have a good one.

Tip the author* Some would say everything I've ever written on this blog is out-dated ... and they'd probably have a point.

Wednesday, 22 February 2023

Whoop-de-doo, tarantula town

Whoop-de-doo indeed, for this blog is 18 today: legally old enough to vote. In fact, if it was a person and not a collection of nonsense this blog could also legally...

  • ...stand for election as an MP, local councillor or mayor
  • ...serve on a jury
  • ...be tried in a magistrate's court, and go to prison if found guilty of a criminal offence
  • ...make a will
  • ...pawn stuff in a pawn shop
  • ...get married without parental (my?) permission
  • ...if adopted, see the original birth certificate (and have their name added to the birth contact register)
  • ...consent to their body being used in a medical study
  • ...carry an organ donor card (an excellent idea)
  • ...buy cigarettes, rolling tobacco and cigarette papers
  • ...buy alcoholic drinks in a pub or a bar
  • ...buy fireworks
  • ...view, rent or buy an 18-rated film
  • ...view, rent or buy pornographic material that does not contravene UK obscenity laws
  • ...place a bet in a betting shop or casino
  • ...get a tattoo
  • ...get body piercings
  • ...ride a motorbike above 125cc with a licence
  • ...drive lorries between 3,500kg and 7,500kg (with the appropriate licence)
  • ...and drive a bus, under some specific circumstances – such as if learning to take the Passenger Carrying Vehicle (PCV) test

But it still couldn't adopt a child (21 for that) or supervise a learner driver (25).

Anyway, I had a look at the singles chart for 22nd February 2005, and it was mostly rubbish. I'll save you a click - Jennifer Lopez was number one, with Get Right, a song that is instantly forgettable and yet has also somehow racked up 163 million views on YouTube, but I'm not going to feature that . Surprisingly, Elvis Presley had seven entries in the Top 100 that week - I'm casting my mind back, and can only imagine that this was in response to what would have been his 70th birthday in early January. Okay, happy birthday and all that, but I'm not going to feature The King either.

Digging further down the chart, I note that it featured the only week in the Top 100 for The House of Love's comeback single. Casting my mind back (again) I can't remember them even having a comeback, probably unsurprising as it was straight in at #73 and straight out again the week after. And that's a shame, because this is alright, I think. Here's Love You Too Much.

Tuesday, 22 February 2022

Just seventeen

As of today, this blog is legally old enough to drive. So here's a car song from before it was born. Video's worth watching for the last forty seconds alone.

No longer thinking of her back on the bonnet, Justine Frischmann lives in the US now, where she earns a crust as an award-winning artist of a different sort.

Thursday, 16 July 2020

Social parasites

I would like to give up Facebook. Twitter and Instagram too. But I can't, for each of them have hooks in me. There are people on each platform that I only interact with on that platform ... and so to ditch it would be to lose contact with them. Because people don't do email anymore, do they, not for keeping casual contact. And letters? When did I last write anyone a proper letter?

And I know, I know, about unfollowing people without unfriending them, to keep my timeline tidy, and I have all my security and privacy settings set as stringently as possible. But even so. Do we have to accept that this is how life is now? Because it's not even symbiosis, is it? Mark Zuckerberg and his merry shareholders get more out of knowing all about me, my life, my friends, my family, my interests, than I get out of seeing photographs posted by a woman I worked with twenty years ago, don't they? Otherwise, Facebook wouldn't be free. Information is power, and we're giving social media platforms all of our power, freely, in exchange for a handful of beans. It makes me deeply unhappy, and yet I am still entrenched. What, I wonder, am I craving so much that it ties me to these social parasites?

Life was easier when there were just letters and phone calls, wasn't it? I'm in the phone booth, it's the one across the hall...

Thursday, 27 February 2020

Lovely... wonderful...

Let's talk about spam. Specifically, spam comments, because I've been getting loads lately. Across all my blogs, but mostly here on New Amusements. This is the kind of thing I've been getting:

Wow! this is amazing! Do you know your hidden name meaning? Click here to find your hidden name meaning

These things seem to come around every so often. Last summer, I had loads that begun like this:

Straight away after Dr Osauyi cast the Lottery spell for me, I felt enveloped by the control of the lotto spell...

You can guess the rest.

I mark all these comments as spam, hoping they'll improve whatever algorithm Google use to weed this kind of rubbish out (if, indeed, they do - I assume so, otherwise why would they have a "mark as spam" facility?), but God, it's tiring. What to do, then? I mean, I have fairly liberal comment moderation settings, because I get few enough comments as it is, and don't want to put undue barriers in the way of more. Anyone can comment here, and I don't moderate by default, but you have to do a Captcha-style word verification. I don't want to make it account holders only, as some of my oldest readers prefer other attribution methods, and I don't want to moderate everything, as that would be as much work as deleting the spammers.

So basically, no solutions, just a problem. Sorry.

P.S. Even if I did limit comments to account holders only, it wouldn't have stopped this recent comment - is it spam? A joke that I'm not in on? Or just vitriol?

Thursday, 22 November 2018

Remember when you had time to waste...?

In the late 90s, I spent an indecent amount of time on Miniputt. Imagine my delight at discovering it's still there.

I spent so much time playing this game, I finally managed to get around in 18. Yes, 18 holes in 18 shots. My colleagues at the time, many of whom I had also hooked to this game, did not believe me. A special mention here to Shaun, who was my nearest rival, going around in 19.

I dare not start playing again... I certainly don't have any spare time to waste.

Maybe I'll just bookmark the page... meanwhile, here's a song about wasting time, and being content with that.

How good is that "I just had to let it go" at the end of the chorus?

Friday, 4 May 2018

Wednesday, 21 February 2018

My back pages

A lot of early posts were written on this old thing,
with a mug of tea on hand

According to Blogger, these are my ten most "popular" posts:

  1. Blog mirror? - that fatuous survey
  2. That Was The Year That Was: 2017 - end of year rundowns are always popular
  3. Oh, I'm sorry - did I break your concentration? - I staged a screening of Pulp Fiction
  4. Cryptic-schmyptic - I made a big ol' crossword
  5. To Whit, to whoo...? - inexplicably popular account of a weekend away
  6. Europe. It's like a different country or something...II - inexplicably popular Belgian Crack
  7. That Was The Year That Was: 2015 - as I said, end of year rundowns...
  8. That Was The Year That Was: 2016 - ...always popular
  9. Don't be a notefold cock - gets a little bump whenever Dave repeats Modern Life Is Goodish
  10. That Was The Year That Was: 2014 - ...really, really popular

I should add that these stats are skewed somewhat, since they only take into account traffic after I moved New Amusements wholesale to Blogger, back in January 2014. That skewing, that incompleteness and inaccuracy, is the only excuse I need to dust off these other posts, all of which remain relatively popular(ish). In no particular order:

But sod popularity. These are the posts I'm happiest to publicly proclaim affection for. And yes, that does mean there are other posts I'm equally (or more) proud of, but don't want to invite revisits to. Anyway, here goes, again in no real order:

I've enjoyed writing this blog, and hope you've enjoyed reading some of it too. I've also really enjoyed looking back over all these posts, and hope the links above prompt you to read something you missed first time around. And at the risk of being mysterious, you'll see why I'm doing this recap tomorrow...

Thursday, 1 February 2018

A fatuous graph for a fatuous survey

Ten day ago, I launched a fatuous survey to test the hypothesis that bloggers of a feather flock together, and that if you read this blog you're more likely to be like me, to share views and preferences, than you are to be otherwise. In short, I wondered whether blogs, like our social media timelines, become mirrored bubbles, reflecting ourselves and hiding different views. The results are in, and a fatuous survey clearly calls for a fatuous graph.

A mighty eleven people responded, and nobody scored less than 50% in this not-very-scientific test. In other words, no-one was more unlike me than like me. The average score was 65%, or roughly two thirds like me and one third not. The median value was 55% and the mode 50%, maths fans.

A special mention must go to top scorer The Man Of Cheese, at 75%. In truth, this arguably demonstrates the inaccuracy of the test, as he and I are probably >90% alike. Anyway, I don't intend to run through everyone's scores, but I did want to go on a bit (sorry) about the questions as there was massive discrepancy in the degree of correlation.

  1. Coke or Pepsi?. Only 18% of respondents were like me. I should maybe have been more explicit in the question, to make it clear that this included all variants of each brand, i.e. Coke Zero or Pepsi Max. They're both poison, I know that, but Pepsi is much more caramelly, and seems a bit less watery, to this boy.
  2. Bitter or lager? I though this would be closer but 73% of respondents agreed with me that, generally speaking, bitter is better.
  3. Coffee or tea? A big shock for me in that only 36% of respondents expressed the "correct" preference for tea. What's wrong with the rest of you?
  4. Raspberry ripple or rum and raisin? A surprisingly close call. I was heartened to see 45% of respondents prefer the old school, 70s-style ripple.
  5. Full-fat or semi-skimmed? A no-brainer in these health-conscious times, with 91% of respondents agreeing with the less calorific option. Or was the question a metaphor?
  6. BBC or ITV? Another no-brainer, with 91% of respondents correctly preferring the Beeb to the other lot. It's a good job the one person who preferred ITV was anonymous, otherwise we might have had to have words...
  7. BGT or SCD? Basically the same as the previous question. Part of the fun, for me, was wondering who'd know what the abbreviations stood for (Britain's Got Talent and Strictly Come Dancing). A comfortable 64% rightly preferred Strictly, a figure I hope would have been higher if I'd spelt it out.
  8. Claudia Winkleman or Tess Daly? In other words, kooky brunette or slightly bland blonde? 82% of respondents were "like me" on this one, preferring kooky.
  9. Have I Got News For You or Mock The Week? Not much in this, unsurprisingly, with 64% agreeing with my preference for HIGNFY.
  10. The Daily Mail or The Guardian? 82% of you also prefer the lefty broadsheet tabloid to the righty one.
  11. Digital (inc. CDs) or Vinyl? The only question I clarified part-way through, to make it clear that I was including CDs in "digital". Perhaps unsurprisingly, given the muso crowd in this neck of the blogosphere, only 36% agreed with my preference for digital. I should add that I do own a fair bit of vinyl, still, and love it. Don't hate me, is what I'm saying.
  12. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones? Another predictably close one. 45% of respondents were "like me" in preferring those four lads from Liverpool.
  13. Chrissie Hynde or Debbie Harry? In many ways, the toughest question here, as both answers are right, really. I opted for Chrissie. Only 27% of you agreed.
  14. I.R.S. R.E.M. or Warner Bros R.E.M? 64% of respondents agreed with me that the Athens boys, though great, were never quite the same after they moved into the big league.
  15. Football or rugby? I expected this to be closer, in these days of Premiership prima-donnas and obscene pay, but 82% of you, like me, still prefer the round-balled game to the oval.
  16. Daniel Craig or Sean Connery? Because everyone has an opinion on Bond. 73% of respondents correctly preferred Sean. There is a case, I think, for suggesting that Goldfinger is the only Bond film you'll ever need.
  17. Rocky III or Rocky IV? All joking aside, a tough one to answer. III has Mr T, Mickey dying, The Eye Of The Tiger and "You gonna ring the bell?" "Ding ding.". IV has Dolph, Apollo dying, running up mountains in the snow and Sly ending the Cold War. But IV's montage sequences win it for me. 45% of you agreed.
  18. Andrew Garfield or Tobey Maguire? Another question that confused some, but this was a straightforward Spiderman question. For me, Tobey Maguire's Spiderman films, especially the first two, are the best superhero films you could ask for. 55% of respondents thought so too.
  19. Francis Ford Coppola or Stanley Kubrick? Don't get me wrong, Coppola has made some true classics, but Kubrick is peerless in my book. 64% of you agreed.
  20. Android or Apple? And again, 64% of respondents were "like me" in preferring your device's HQ to be Mountain View rather than Cupertino.

And there you have it. I promise I will never do this again.

Monday, 22 January 2018

Blog mirror?

If our social media timelines reflect ourselves, presenting only views that we agree with and hiding us from dissenters, do blogs do the same? Are the people that I read, and that read me, all the same? Are we just mirroring each other?

Here's a fatuous quiz to prove nothing.

Monday, 20 November 2017

Lost in King's Cross

I had occasion to go to that there London recently, for the best part of a working week. Not for a holiday, nor for a jolly, but for a fairly intensive training course for the day-job. It's nice to have an employer who's happy to invest me again, after a good while without.

Now the training company are a bit of a beast in their field; they've been around a good while too, have a good reputation and are a global training brand. So much so that I used to be a customer of theirs way back in the past, when I worked for a corporate multi-national behemoth and had a personal training budget. Back in those days, I would think nothing of taking three or four courses, four or five days each, per year. How times change, eh?

I'll tell you what else has changed - the nature of training itself. This training company, fifteen or more years ago, used to occupy all five floors of a brick and glass cube near Euston Station, and would play host to so many trainees, every day of every week, that they had their own canteen on the fifth floor to keep their students fed and watered. But time moves on. Technology, more than anything, moves on. These days, most of the company's students take their courses remotely, with a virtual desktop and a webcam - why travel to London and spend the week in a generic hotel when you can take the course from the comfort of your office desk and go home afterwards, right? Except where's the interaction with your classmates and, more importantly, trainer? Where's the space to reflect on the day's learning, as you eat dinner at your table-for-one in the hotel restaurant? And most of all, where's the time and space away from everyday work, to just concentrate on learning. I'm no Luddite, and I completely understand the financial pressures at play here, for both the training company and the trainee, but it does feel to me that something has been lost, and going on a course is not what it was. The training company now occupies only two floors of the same building, and has no canteen any more. For lunch, trainees have to make their own way to the M&S across the road for a sandwich. I wonder what, if anything, will be left in another fifteen years? Why go on a course anyway, when you can just Google the hell out of everything instead, right?

Meeting Place, 15th Nov 2017
The biggest change of all though is that whole area, from King's Cross and St Pancras up to Euston. Back in my younger days as a trainee, it was - well, there's no other word for it really - a bit of a hole. Seedy, run-down, decrepit. Dirty, in every sense. Back then, my employer used to book me into a nice hotel, quite upmarket. And in that hotel, posh at it was, there would always be a concierge in the bar in the evening, part of whose job it was to identify and remove call girls who would linger there in the hope of picking up well-heeled customers. Whilst at the other end of the scale, venture out of the hotel in the evening to find a bite to eat and you often couldn't walk thirty yards without being propositioned: "You want business?" And every phone box (of which there were still many, back then) was plastered with business cards for all manner of escorts, eager to part the transient population of the area from their money. I remember seeing someone cleaning the phone boxes one morning as I walked to that day's training, assiduously removing every card. By the time I'd finished for the day, eight hours later, they had all been freshly plastered. And looming over everything, at once disapproving and complicit, was the gothic and ever-so-slightly faded grandeur of St Pancras station.

Identified Flying Object
The transformation now is marked. Let's stay with St Pancras, shall we? Now the end of the line for Eurostar, it's clear to see the investment that high-speed link has brought. Still gothic but no longer faded, the building looks fantastic, rejuvenated. There are champagne bars in there, for God's sake, and more shops than you can shake a stick at (station or mall, you decide). And then there's the statuary, like the Meeting Place (aka "The Lovers"), a 30ft bronze of a kissing couple that is frankly breathtaking, or the statue of Sir John Betjeman, or (currently) the mechanical clock installed in front of the more traditional Dent Clock (more here on all of this if you're interested). And this rejuvenation carries on into King's Cross, where the ceiling of the western concourse is a dazzling, dizzying piece of architecture (or is it art?) And of course Harry Potter's Plaform 9¾ brings a queue of selfie-taking tourists, all keen to spend oodles in the adjacent shop - wizard, no doubt, though I didn't venture in. Outside the station, Battle Bridge Place is currently home to Identified Flying Object, a 30ft-high birdcage that is lit in neon at night - bizarre but beautiful. Swish bars are everywhere, none finer than the German Gymnasium (which is a very fine building, more than worthy of its fascinating history). Walk from there up past Google's huge new office (another very conspicuous sign, and source, of inward investment), over the Regent's Canal towards St Martin's, and there's plenty more redevelopment on show, none more arresting than the redeveloped old gasholders, two of which now house apartment buildings with their exterior ironwork intact (to dramatic effect). The third gas holder stands empty, but is artfully lit at night, with the foot of the ironwork clad in subtly angled mirrors and steel, encompassing an undulating lawn - the overall effect is quite beautiful.

Gasholder Park

All of which sounds great, doesn't it? I certainly sound enthused, hopefully. The art and architecture is wonderful, the bars and restaurants infinitely better than their equivalents of yesteryear, and (whilst I was only staying with the hotel chain Lenny Henry now purports to like for cash) I am happy to report that hotel bars no longer seem to need policing. And not that many phone boxes are left, but those that cling on have only a half-hearted smattering of cards posted in. So, the area is much improved all around... but sanitised too much, maybe? It felt a little out of kilter, otherworldly, uncanny - the familiar had become unfamiliar. The changes taper off as you move towards Euston, and there are still a lot of homeless people rough-sleeping in doorways (maybe more so than when New Labour were in their pomp, fifteen years ago). Beneath the steel and glass, and shiny new paint job, London's rusty hindquarters and matted underbelly cling on. That's probably how it should be.

The Pet Shop Boys had a song called King's Cross, and maybe you were expecting that. But since I very nearly became lost, metaphorically if not literally, in King's Cross, there can only be one song to end this with. I know, any excuse for a bit of Gene...

Wednesday, 8 November 2017

Disentangling

I have something of a love/hate relationship with being online.

I love the possibilities the Internet provides, the inter-connectivity, the access to the riches of the World Wide Web.

I hate the capacity of mankind to fill the World Wide Web with unmitigated bobbins.

Just lately the balance is getting increasingly out of whack. Example: I used to think Twitter was great - the social media it was okay to love. Concise, pithy, and interactive, if you had something of value to say it could be picked up and shared, your message was out there. And it was a door-opener, allowing you to communicate with people that you'd never otherwise be able to. But now? It's a bot-ridden, fake news propagating, cesspool of hate, where a thread can go from innocuous comment to outraged splenetic insults in four tweets or less. It is the demesne of the professionally angry, provocative, hateful and the first recourse of the competitively correct. Trolls, attention-seekers, hate-mongers, virtue-signallers, bots, propaganda, lies, fakery, extremism, inanity, ridicule, scorn, derision, loathing, self-loathing... pretty sure this is not what Tim Berners-Lee had in mind.

It wears me out, it really does. And it's not just Twitter. It's anything and anywhere online that requires you to have a username.

What makes it worse is that we've got to this point incrementally, and by stealth. The idea now of renouncing all online activity, deleting every account, cancelling email addresses... well, it's hard to imagine. But if the whole shebang was invented today, complete and in its current form rather than developing over many years, I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole. Would you?

All of which doesn't really even scratch the surface of why I am trying to disentangle myself from the Web somewhat, though it gives you a flavour. And I am aware of the irony of making these points in a blog post (attention-seeking, inane, loathing, self-loathing). Whatever. I shall be having a purge, reapplying the pub test to my Facebook friends list (as in, would I enjoy having a pint in the pub with you? If not, unfollowed), the reciprocity test to Twitter (is our interaction mutually beneficial or are you getting more out of it than I am? If the latter, unfollowed), maybe just binning LinkedIn completely, and even pruning my blogroll (I currently subscribe to 39 RSS feeds). And I'll be sending Do Not Track requests from my browser, not-accepting third-party cookies and browsing incognito as much as possible. Stick that in your algorithm and smoke it.

I will not be entirely successful - it's impossible now, we're all too entangled. But I shall be trying to get back towards, oh, let's say... 1989. When the Internet existed but life in general was a bit more like this:

Tuesday, 29 August 2017

Guest appearances (or, deferring the decline)

Here's a graph of monthly page views recorded for this very blog, for the last 3⅔ years. Look what's been happening.

Until recently, New Amusements was just bumbling along, with a handful of core readers. My December round-ups of the year would provide a tiny bump in the figures, but that was about that. Indeed, 2016's figures suggested a decline from even those low levels. The end might have been in sight...

... but something has happened this year. After 12½ years of plugging away, I have some traffic. There are, I think, many factors in this. I'm now in the blogroll sidebar of a number of far more popular blogs which, if my statistics are to be believed, does actually generate traffic (I will post some other time about the serendipitous joy of blogrolls). On top of my constant readers (step forward The Man Of Cheese, Mark, Rol and a couple of others), I've somehow snagged and retained some new regulars too, one side-effect of which is increased activity in the comments. For me as a blogger, the increase in discussion "below the line" has been a real boost, and gives me what I've always wanted from blogging: the online equivalent of having a chat over a pint.

I think another factor in adding traffic, especially in the last month, has been my attempt at starting a series, in the shape of Fantasy Cover Versions. It's stalled already, of course, but you can still contribute. You should, by the way - your ideas would be excellent, I know it.

Over and above the blogrolls, new constant readers, active comments and series, the other factor that has really helped this year is, slightly counter-intuitively, writing elsewhere. And I'm not talking about my efforts with fiction - that really does continue to decline - but rather writing this kind of thing in other places. I can't recommend this highly enough; it gives the "other place" a chance to write about you, to link to you, and to send new readers your way, some of whom stick around. So far this year, I have these guest appearances under my belt:

  • a Radiohead Imaginary Compilation Album on blogging hero The New Vinyl Villain's site;
  • thrillingly, a reminiscence on the cinemas of my youth on Andrew Collins' new blog, Digging Your Screen. Yes, really. That Andrew Collins, off the telly, The Radio Times and The Guardian;
  • and, maybe as thrilling, I don't know because I haven't seen the end product yet, but a gig reminiscence of mine about The Wedding Present is set to appear, in some shape or form (maybe a line, maybe a paragraph, maybe the whole thing, who knows), in a new book entitled Sometimes These Words Just Don't Have To Be Said. Order your copy now, and see how much/little of the original article makes it in.
So, being elsewhere ... I recommend it. Hey, why not send me your Fantasy Cover Version suggestion and I can write about you...

Monday, 3 July 2017

It's not quite Judgement Day

You may have read about Inspirobot already. If not, a potted summary would be something like: it's an online artificial intelligence (AI) program that is designed solely to generate the sort of motivational quote-and-image combinations that swamp us at every turn these days. You know the sort of thing, you see them everywhere from conference room walls to social media timelines. A few are good. Most are inane. Some, annoyingly, as just truisms. And some are just plain annoying.

But now, Inspirobot takes things to a new level. One click is all is takes to generate a motivational poster, with a short, snappy phrase and a filtered, 'shopped image to reinforce the message. AI is great, right? The future has arrived, right?

Except AI, at least as implemented here, is all about the "A" and not so much about the "I". Either that or Inspirobot has had some form of existential crisis. Because I had a little play with the AI, and here's what I got back (you can click all the pictures for a full-size view):

Things started off okay... ish. I mean, boring ideas aren't great, are they? So it's okay, if a little too on the nose:

Things took a slight left turn after that. I mean, I imagine a pretty face and a tea would help, but they are far from all you need, surely?

Next up, things took a darker turn, with Inspirobot suggesting crime pays. Or at least is rewarded with cake! All reinforced with a nice light, frothy picture.

And then... Inspirobot then went to a much darker place. All you can say is that it would have been even darker if the two phrases had been the other way around. The picture doesn't help either, raising the question of whether the guy with his hands in his pockets had been disposing of the bodies in that lake...

I stopped at this point. And I'd hesitate to call this AI. It's just a random poster generator, surely? For if this is what passes for AI in 2017, to the extent that someone is proud enough of it to put it online for the world to see, we can safely say we are some way away from being enslaved by Skynet.

Anyhoo... if you're bored and have five minutes, why not give Inspirobot a go yourself? You might get something unintentionally funny. Or you might get something a little more sinister...

Thursday, 27 April 2017

Have you seen this book?

I'm considering going to a gig later in the year at the Hammersmith Apollo. I can't remember when I last went there, so I thought I'd refamiliarise myself with the venue by taking a quick look on Google Maps and firing up Streetview. Nothing unusual in that.

As I was scrolling around the venue, a seated figure caught my eye - here she is:

And more specifically, the book she was reading when the Google Maps car drove by caught my eye - here's a closer look:

  

See, I think I should know what this book is, but I can't for the life of me place it. Now I don't want to morph into Dave Gorman or anything, and turn this into a Google-based adventure, but does anyone have any ideas what this book is? Answers on a postcard to the usual address (by which I mean, in the comments below). Cheers.

If you want a closer look, here's a link to the Google Maps Streetview.

Friday, 21 April 2017

I used to write software... II

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... well, 13 years ago and 150 miles away, but you get the idea... I learnt to translate my classic Visual Basic programming skills to VB.Net. The specific task of personal interest that I used to teach myself was solving sudoku puzzles, as these were just starting to gain popularity in the UK back then.

Here's what I wrote about my noddy sudoku solver (and generator) at the time:

I wrote [this] mainly as an exercise in codifying logic - could I code the way I solve sudoku? The answer, for the most part, was yes, and this will solve all but the most diabolically fiendish sudoku...

The object of sudoku is to fill a 9x9 grid so that every row, column and 3x3 box contains the digits 1 through 9. Sounds easy, can be very hard (and addictive)! Anyway, this application lets you keep track of your progress by storing the grid contents, and helps you by showing available values for each grid square. It'll even generate a near-endless supply of new puzzles! And yes, I am aware that if you choose to generate a really hard sudoku, you might end up with one of the few that this program cannot solve programmatically... For the most part though, if you get really stuck, there are 'Hint' and 'Solve' buttons that will help you out.

Again, I failed to finish this quite as I'd like, in so much as there are some sudoku that are too hard for it to solve, and it only supports 9x9 puzzles. Other than that, it's okay, I think. Whatever, I'm starting to mothball the old website this was previously publicly available on, so I'm making it available here instead, for posterity: its own little software cemetery.

Anyway, enough history. Here's the download if you actually want to give it a spin. To install: unzip the download (try 7-Zip in the unlikely event you need help with that), run the MSI, accept all the defaults. Job done.

Oh, and in the even more unlikely event that you use this enough to need support, well, you could ask in the comments below this post. If I can remember, I'll try to help. No promises, mind.

I used to write software... I

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... well, 18 years ago and 180 miles away, but you get the idea... I taught myself Visual Basic. One of best ways of learning a new programming language, I have found, is to give yourself a specific task to complete using that language (and here's the key bit, as it's where the motivation comes from) that is of personal interest. Now I've written websites since 1997 - these days I mostly just use Blogger or Wordpress but back then I hand-coded all my HTML, CSS and JavaScript using Notepad. And yes, that was a bit frustrating at times. So my specific task of personal interest was to build a website editor, using Visual Basic. Markup Processor was the result.

Here's what I wrote about it when I released it out into the wild, way back when:

Markup Processor is a powerful html/script editor written expressly for me! But maybe you'll find it useful too... from beginners, intermediate to professional web builders, Markup Processor is a web editing tool for anyone creating web sites or authoring scripts. Markup Processor is a fast, lightweight product months in the making but please bear in mind it has been designed to do just what I want... no-one else! In other words, please feel free to suggest changes but I have the final say on what makes it into the product, okay?

Markup Processor's rich feature set includes: customizable syntax highlighting; flexible edit pane; support for (S)HTML documents, Perl, ASP, Cascading Style Sheets, Javascript, VBScript and Java; integrated page previewing (if MS Internet Explorer™ is installed); page viewing in external browser; split editing pane (edit different sections of a document at the same time); code compression; integration of HTML Tidy: spell checking (if MS Word™ is installed); access to integrated HTML and CSS reference files; 'power bar' includes code wizards and frequently used code snippets; 'side bar' includes double-clickable tag and special character lists; integrated Javascripts; and loads more besides...

Best of all, Markup Processor is lightweight, and loads a lot quicker than many comparable programs. I never did finish it though, so it's only fair to also mention the shortfalls: for a start, there's no tag completion, a feature I'd really want if I was starting this from scratch. The biggest omission though is the lack of word wrapping, but if you can live without that, Markup Processor is a handy bit of kit. I use it all the time... but then I would, wouldn't I?

As I said then, it never got finished quite as I'd like. And looking back, I regret making it insert HTML tags in uppercase rather than lower - whatever happened to standards compliance?! But never mind. I'm starting to mothball the old website this was previously publicly available on, so I'm making it available here instead, for posterity: its own little software cemetery.

Anyway, enough history. Here's the download if you actually want to give it a spin. To install: unzip the download (try 7-Zip in the unlikely event you need help with that), run the MSI, accept all the defaults. Job done.

Oh, and in the even more unlikely event that you use this enough to need support, well, you could ask in the comments below this post. If I can remember, I'll try to help. No promises, mind.

Who's No. 1?

I once tried to get The Who a UK number one single. Actually, I tried twice... and failed twice. I won't be trying again - people just aren't interested. Because I'm retiring the website that hosted these campaigns, such as they were, this post is an archive, more for me than you, of what little did actually happen... Sadly, the one thing I was most proud of (getting the first campaign in The Guardian's Guide weekend supplement) was never online to link to, so you'll have to trust me that it really happened... similarly, a lot of the links that follow have themselves been retired. Lucky this post is just an aide memoire for me then, eh?

Press and media coverage of the 2010 campaign

Examiner.com (US news digest) | The Who Nederland (Dutch blog)

Press and media coverage of the 2009 campaign

Uncut Magazine | Planet Rock | Rock Radio | Soft Rock Classics show (listen to an MP3 of the interview on this show) | Helpless Dancer blog | Futuro 88.9 (Chilean radio) | Classic 21 (Belgian radio) | Examiner.com (US news digest) | The Who Nederland (Dutch blog) | Absolute Radio music news | Jachiche's Absolute Radio blog | Who's Who (tribute band) blog post

Thursday, 2 February 2017

Great unnoticed headlines of our time - II

Another corker, courtesy of BBC Business news:

Here's the story to go with it which, whilst good, can never quite live up to that headline. I also feel compelled to say "No bacon shortage - denied!" because I am old and still think Wayne's World is a comedy classic.