Tiny houses, here and there

Back in 2018, I edited a short story collection entitled The Petrified World and other stories. It's here if you're interested. Rol's in it too. You'd like it, I think, the book. It's very reasonably priced, any profit goes to charity, all of that. Take a punt, why not?

But anyway, pitch over, back to the point. As I cycled to work this morning along car-choked roads, through yet another spiralling housing estate of identikit rabbit hutches, today's song sprung readily to mind. As did this quote from Sir David Attenborough, that I included in the introduction of the aforementioned book:

All environmental problems become harder - and ultimately impossible - to solve with ever more people.

Sorry. Downer, I know, but no less true for that. Here's the song, and an appropriately claustrophobic video shot in a rehearsal room, from Blur's Indian summer of 2015.

There are too many of us
That's plain to see
We all believe in praying
For our immortality
We've posed these questions to our children
That calls them all to stray
And live in tiny houses
Of the same mistakes we made

'Cause there are too many of us
In tiny houses here and there
Passing out of somewhere
But you won't care

There are too many of us
That's plain to see
And we all believe in praying
For our own immortality
For a moment, I was dislocated
My terror on a loop elsewhere
The flashing lights part vacated
On the big screens everywhere

'Cause there are too many of us
In tiny houses here and there
Just passing out of somewhere
But you won't care

There are too many of us
In tiny houses here and there
All looking through the windows
On everything we share
We pose these questions to our children
It leads them all to stray
And live in tiny houses
Of the same mistakes we make

'Cause there are too many of us
Oh, that's plain to see
All living in tiny houses (passing out of somewhere)
Of our own mortality (but you won't care)

That Was The Year That Was: 2023

This is the thirteenth time I've recapped a year like this (for completists, here are the others); I nearly didn't bother, on the grounds that I consume so little new material, and no-one cares about my opinion. So I was going to give it a swerve...

...but then had an attackers of blogger's guilt. So here we are ... if "here" is realising that what I "consume" these days is, more than ever, driven by my notional roles of father and partner than by my own individual, personal taste. Especially what I watch, as will become apparent.

Aside from updating twelfth to thirteenth, those opening paragraphs are an exact copy'n'paste of last year's post. Which probably tells you all you need to know about my enthusiasm for this end of year recap. Basically, I have had very few highlights in my cultural life this year, so what to write? But enough prevarication; let's crack on with this load of old balls and see how little new stuff I've tried this year (and that line is also lifted from last year).

Best album

Turns out I've bought very few original albums this year. Lots of compilations, best ofs and retrospectives, but not many of all new material. Consequently Ballad of Darren by Blur wins almost by default, whereas it perhaps wouldn't have won in other years. Don't get me wrong, it is good, borderline great. But it probably isn't essential. If I was Q magazine (remember that?) it would garner a four star review, not five. That said, it does reward repeated listens, and is definitely worth your time, as long as you're not still expecting Popscene.

Best song

I've got a bit more to say here, at least. What about Bending Hectic by The Smile for starters? Then there's The Last Rotation of Earth by BC Camplight, which has been living rent-free in my head since I heard it, and I absolutely love the brilliance of Expert in a Dying Field by The Beths. In other years The Beths would have prevailed, but this year saw Dublin's Fontaines DC cover Nick Drake's Cello Song, and I'm not sure a new song has hit me more so far this decade. I called it as early as March, and this remains my song of a year. A worthy winner - play it loud!

Best gig

It's been another quiet year, gig-wise. There have been the usual suspects, of course: The Wedding Present (for the last time with Mel on bass), From The Jam (with excellent company from my oldest friends), The Smyths (as close as you're going to get without a time machine) - all reliably excellent, of course. Sleeper nearly stole in and took the crown this year, for their wonderful intimate acoustic gig at the Arts Centre, though I accept my judgement may be coloured by still being smitten with Louise (obligatory sigh) after all these years. But it's a tie between Pulp, who were simply brilliant at Latitude (and, crucially, shared with the rest of the Amusements clan) and Suede, who were far better than anyone has any right to expect after thirty years. So yes, another bunch of old people from my youth, basically.

Best book

I've read a few books this year, but not many of them are new for 2023. In fact, I think crime procedural Holly by Stephen King is the only book published this year that I've read so far. So that ought to win but it won't, good though it was. I also got a surprising amount out of Before & Laughter by Jimmy Carr; I'm not his biggest fan but there are genuine nuggets of life advice to he had here, delivered in an accessible and funny manner. However, the nod this year must go to The Ministry for the Future by Kim Stanley Robinson, even though the subject matter - climate catastrophe - meant that I had to read it in small doses, over the course of a year, for my own mental health. The first chapter in particular hits as hard as any opening I think I've ever read.

Best film

I am once more somewhat embarrassed by the paucity of new films I've been to see this year, partly because Amusements Minor is now at an age when he wants to go to the cinema with his mates instead of me. That said, I very much enjoyed Spielberg autobiog The Fabelmans at the start of the year. Barbie pleasantly surprised me, and I got a lot out of Oppenheimer too. However, the best film I've sat amongst spilled popcorn for this year, by a short nose from Señor Spielbergo and Oppenheimer, is Justine Triet's Anatomy of a Fall. I don't know if it's that foreign language films make you work harder, and therefore appreciate what you get out of them more, or whether this really is a great film but, whatever, it kept me very focused for all of its two and a half hours, plus stimluated plenty of discussion with Mrs Amusements afterwards.

Best television

Even if not up to the dazzling standards of earlier series, Ghosts has continued to be a joy - there's a Christmas Day finale coming too, so get your Button House fix whilst you still can, would be my advice. In terms of documentaries, Louis Theroux's recent BBC1 interview with Pete Doherty was a captivating watch, for fans of both, and the Ronnie O'Sullivan behind-the-scenes film The Edge of Everything on Amazon Prime was a real eye-opener - I defy anyone not to be moved at the end at Ronnie's emotion. Definitely worth a watch. However, my TV choice this year is Only Murders In The Building on Disney+; no other show has given me as much satisfaction and all manner of laughs, from knowing "that's clever" chuckles to tea-spurting laugh out loud roars. Steve Martin is as good as he has ever been, his chemistry with Martin Short elevates their every shared scene, and Selena Gomez is a revelation. Very highly recommended indeed.

Best sport

In a year that has been pretty mundane in terms of sport, it is hard to look beyond the superbly victorious European Ryder Cup team, but I'm going to because once more the Lionesses gave us all something to get excited about; yes, they fell at the final hurdle against Spain, but that was still as close as England have come to winning a World Cup in my lifetime. And sure, they've just missed out on Nations League qualification by the most heartbreaking of slender margins, but let's not forget they did beat Brazil to win the Finalissima at the start of the year too. Aside from that, I must also mention Katie Boulter, who was next level at the recent Billie Jean Cup qualifier against Sweden and continues to look our best hope on court, at least until Emma Raducanu can get herself back on track.

Person of the year

Well, it's Chris Packham, obviously. Quite apart from his televisual impact on the natural world, through Springwatch, Autumnwatch and this year's outstanding five-parter Earth, he also gave us the illuminating documentary Inside Our Autistic Minds, asked difficult questions in Is It Time To Break The Law? and even found time to pop up on Celebrity Gogglebox for Stand Up To Cancer, alongside his step-daughter Megan McCubbin. And all the while, he was fighting an exhaustive and intrusive legal battle against Country Squire Magazine for defamation - he stood up to be counted on this, and won, at some personal if not financial cost. That he continues to be a publicly active activist, despite arson attacks on his property and having dead badgers nailed to his front gate, tells you all you need to know about the man. The natural heir to Attenborough, and there's no higher praise than that in my book.

Tool of the year

I need a bigger toolbox ... although most of last year's candidates are still here. Johnson, Sunak, Patel, Braverman ("As thick as pig-shit, basically" - Mark Watson), Rees-Mogg, Shapps, Hancock, Dorries, Cleverly (a new entry, and proof of all the flaws in nominative determinism). We need shot of them all from public life, from public service, because they do us all a dis-service, to say the least. Further afield? Man-child Putin, throwing missiles and young Russians onto the bonfire of his own vanity, the seemingly inevitable comeback from Trump, the dollar-enabled kid-in-a-candy-store that is Elon Musk, the batrachoidal puddle of bigotry that is Farage and all those who conspire to keep him in the news, the perma-tanned barrel-scraping and down-dumbed miasma of reality television, those who are famous for being famous, anyone who applauds themselves on television, oh Jesus, I could go on. I'm not going to pick one person... I'm just begging, hoping beyond hope that 2024 is better. 2023 hasn't been, to the extent that, aside from a few tweaks and updates, I have basically just copied and pasted this paragraph from last year.

Well, blogger's guilt, I hope that was worth it. But reader ... how was it for you?

It's hard to stay positive

I'm with Greta. The COP summit really is all "blah, blah, blah". Here are two consecutive BBC news headlines, as presented to me this morning in my RSS feed reader of choice, with annotations by me:

I've said it before but, sadly, I still think the only way we are going to avoid a global climate crisis is if people who are already rich and powerful can somehow make themselves richer and more powerful by doing it. I take a cold crumb of comfort from the fact that their money will be worthless when there's no food, drinking water or habitable land left. Sorry (not sorry), dysthymia has hoved into view once more. Happy Christmas!

I'm not the biggest Ash fan in the world but since we should all prepare to get very hot indeed, this seemed appropriate.

The Unewsual XI - the UK produces the second highest amount of e-waste per capita in the world

So we should make our devices last longer, not get caught in the upgrade spiral, and repair things went they fail. But also, at least, this:

That Was The Year That Was: 2021

This is the eleventh time I've recapped a year like this (for completists, here are the others), and what a year it has been, one like no other...

...except it's been quite a lot like last year, hasn't it? Almost like those in charge are incapable of learning lessons, seemingly because they think that to do so would imply a fault or failing in the first place, and that couldn't be right, could it, because they're all flawless, after all. Sorry - I just feel very tired of everything, and it may show in this (very brief) recap of the year's highlights. Or, as I very unfairly prefer to think of them this year, shallower depths. Alons-y.

Best album

See, this is a great example of why I probably shouldn't bother with this kind of recap - I buy so little new material. I have become what I once ridiculed: an old man stuck in a parochial rut. So I could talk about new albums this year from Paul Weller, The Wedding Present and Billy Bragg (Fat Pop, Locked Down and Stripped Back, and The Million Things That Never Happened respectively), all of which I bought and all of which are excellent (especially TWP's) but they are just other old men that I've grown up listening to and now buy out of habit. So for something new, I am pleased to report that I also bought Heavy Elevator by Hamish Hawk, and you should too because it's excellent. Imagine a hybrid of Neil Hannon, Jarvis Cocker and Morrissey, but box-fresh for the third decade of the 21st Century. Highly recommended and my album of the year.

Best song

Someone check my temperature because I must be unwell - I want to acknowledge that Bad Habits by Ed Sheeran is a fine song of its type. But you'll be relieved to know that isn't my song of the year. Nor is Mid-Century Modern by Billy Bragg, despite it being perfect, in many ways, for 2021. And much as I have enjoyed Real Thing by Bleach Lab and Sand Fight by Folly Group, I want to suggest you give repeated listens to Let's Stick Around by Riton Presents Gucci Soundsystem featuring Jarvis Cocker - the latter's spoken word delivery and a driving, end-of-days beat is as good as you might imagine, and my song of the year (even if I'll probably be sick of it by March '22)...

Best gig

I've had a flurry of gigs recently, as many of the dates that were cancelled in 2020 all seemed to be rescheduled for November of this year. The Wedding Present, touring for the 30th anniversary of Seamonsters, were brilliant in one of my favourite venues, but the gig of the year, and a new entry in the top five (three? one?) gigs of my life was the farewell live performance by Martin Rossiter, at The Forum, Kentish Town. Drawing on his Gene back catalogue as well as his more recent solo offerings, and featuring a cracking band of youths (instead of, annoyingly but not surprisingly, reassembling Gene), this was as good as I hoped. Better actually. With no support, he played for about two and a half hours, and it flew by. The only tinge of regret for me is that this was it, he's done - there will be nothing more from Martin. What a colossal shame that is ... but what an amazing way to go out.

Best book

I've read a fair few books this year, but not many of them are new for 2021. So, I should probably focus on the most recent publications of those I have read: I can recommend Two Tribes by Chris Beckett if you want a thought-provoking examination of the now, through the imagined lens of history, Billy Summers by Stephen King if it's a suspenseful thriller you're after, and Airhead by Emily Maitlis if current affairs are your thing. But I think that Jews Don't Count by David Baddiel is my book of the year, a brilliantly argued, thought-provoking and compelling takedown of the ism-schism that still persists, meaning that anti-Semitism is somehow regarded differently to other forms of prejudice. It's a quick read but lingers long in the mind - go and get it.

Best film

Once again, I haven't really been to the cinema much this year, so No Time To Die wins almost by default, and that's a shame because it deserves to win from a crowded field: it's terrific. It's Daniel Craig's swansong in the role and he's excellent, but then so are the returning "regulars": Ralph Fiennes as M, Ben Whishaw as Q, Naomie Harris (swoon) as Moneypenny and Jeffrey Wright as Felix Leiter. Talking of swooning, Ana de Armas steals every scene she is in as Paloma. In fact, the only slight letdown in Rami Malek as bad guy Lyutsifer Safin, not through any fault of his, it's just that the character is somewhat underdeveloped. But other than that, this is a terrfic film, satisfying on many levels and maintaining a pace that sees its 163 minute running time whizz by. For my money, this would be a great and fitting way to bring the Bond franchise to a close, for good; that almost certainly won't happen, it's far too lucrative, but the film is that good - I can't imagine anyone who went to see it coming out without "wow" writ large upon their face.

Best television

There's been nothing on TV this year that has given me as much simple joy as Ghosts, the BBC adult comedy from the original minds behind Horrible Histories - it's terrific, stuffed full of memorable characters and quotable dialogue, and something you could watch equally happily with your kids and grandparents. Then there was the sixth series of Line of Duty which, even if you were unhappy with the big "H" reveal, still delivered. But the television event of the year (decade? century?) has to the Peter Jackson's docu-series Get Back, taking us through The Beatles' recording of songs for Let It Be and the now famous rooftop concert that marked their last public band performance. It's astonishing, firstly for its restoration (it looks and sounds like it was filmed yesterday), but also for its behind-the-curtain vibe, achieving a level of intimacy that a modern, media-savvy band would probably not allow. It's a staggering piece of work and, as I have said previously, fully deserves the investment of eight hours to watch it all and eight pounds to subscribe to Disney+ for a month. Stunning.

Best sport

I enjoyed watching the deferred Olympics, of course. The women's team pursuit cycling silver medal was a highlight, as was Britain's gold in the triathlon mixed relay (a truly brilliant spectacle that was non-stop rivetting for 84 minutes). I'd love to say Norwich City's dominance in winning the Championhip was a highlight, were it not followed by an inability to step that up at Premiership level. But this is all academic, for there has been one very clear sporting highlight, an achievement as high as it was unexpected... step forward, Emma Raducanu. As if reaching the fourth round of Wimbledon as a teenage wildcard wasn't enough, she only went and won the US Open, aged 18, as an unseeded qualifier. To put that in context, she became the first singles qualifier in the Open era to win any Grand Slam title: a staggering achievement, however you dice and slice it. And all whilst seemingly being very grounded and personable - bravo!

Person of the year

I'll be honest, Emma was in with a shout here too, as were fledgling national treasures Liz Bonnin, Chris Packham, Professor Alice Roberts and fully-fledged national treasure Sir David Attenborough. I was tempted to go with Joe Biden too because, let's not forget, 2021 began with Trump supporters storming the Capitol, incredible as that may seem with the benefit of eleven months hindsight. But no - the nod this year goes to Greta Thunberg, standing up to The Man's attempt to marginalise her from COP26 and the surrounding debate. The status quo doesn't like her because they can't put her in their pocket, can't buy her or silence her... and yet she, more than anyone else, can mobilise the youth, tomorrow's voters, tomorrow's consumers, and maybe, just maybe, do something to limit the damage being done to this small blue dot we call home. That she does all this whilst being subjected to media scorn, horrendous onlne abuse and trolling makes it all the remarkable.

Tool of the year

As ever, it's a crowded field, and it's primarily Tory politicians doing the crowding. Empathy vacuum Priti Patel, for repeating failing to understand that migrants are people, first and foremost; reality vacuum Jacob Rees-Mogg, for embodying a level of privilege so divorced from reality and either not knowing or not caring; rules agnostic Owen Paterson, for excessively feathering his own nest and not even having the good grace to fess up when busted; loyal to his mates Matt Hancock, for dishing out multi-million poind contracts to his friends' companies without scrutiny, even when those companies weren't qualified; and Geoffrey Cox, for ripping the piss out of the nation for years and thinking that was just fine. But of course the tool of the year/decade/century, retaining his title from last year is Boris Johnson - let's recap a few of the reasons why. Calamitous, playground politics with Macron over fishing and refugees; not wearing a mask on a hospital visit; "forgive me, forgive me"; apparently not knowing what parties were happening at his own gaff last Christmas; confusing Glasgow and Edinburgh at COP26; hiding the UK's natural gas dependence under a smokescreen of Chinese and Indian coal dependence; I could go on an on. Any one of these things is bad in isolation, but this isn't even an exhaustive list, it barely scratches the surface! In days gone by, the levels of incompetence he has repeatedly displayed would have done for him, and as for deliberately misleading the House (a delicate euphemism for "purposefully lying to Parliament"), that would definitely be a resigning matter. Yet still he is here, the living embodiment of unjustified entitlement and brass neck, casually banging out more kids, frittering public money away, trashing our global reputation, mismanaging COVID, and all the while, you suspect, doing very nicely thank you very much, for himself and his equally entitled mates. And yet he's still ahead in the polls and confidence in politicians is allegedly up... what will he have to do to finally come unstuck, you wonder, sleep through the Queen's funeral? Jesus H Christ.

That's it for another year. Sorry if I got a bit ranty towards the end there but, really, what did you expect? All that really remains is for me to say, 2021 ... how was it for you?

Blue Friday: The End Of The World

As the COP26 circus draws to a close, with an agreement to keep making the right noises but not actually do enough to keep temperature rise under 1.5°C, well, this song chooses itself, doesn't it?

The only issue was which version? I considered Skeeter Davis's original, and the Herman's Hermits cover recently re-popularised by the excellent Queen's Gambit. But in the end, Patti Smith's interpretation best suits my mood. It too has seen soundtrack use, in Darren Aronofsky's Jennifer Lawrence and Javier Bardem-powered Mother!

Misplaced COPtimism

I'd like to feel optimistic about COP26, I really would. People in high places are making the right noises, after all, with Johnson's "one minute to midnight" soundbite and Charles Charlie-Charles calling for a military-style response to the problem. But people in high places always make the right noises, don't they? And most often before doing exactly what they always wanted, rather than what others need.

The trouble, I guess, is that environmental decision-making is a political issue, and what are elections if not a popularity contest? Taking tough decisions on the environment might win some votes, but raising taxes to pay for them or saying "you can't do these things that you like doing any more" is likely to lose more. Cynical of me to suggest, I know, but I do think a lot of politicians, especially those in high office, are primarily concerned with simply keeping themselves and their mates in power. It's why governments can make lots of noise about climate change and their green credentials whilst continuing to grant licenses for the extraction of fossil fuels.

The obvious choice of song for the end-of-world pessism I feel today would be REM, of course. But why be obvious? Here are four lads from Hull who, by their own admission, were "quite good". I doubt they wrote this about climate change, but it seems to fit nicely.

Greenpeace have written a really excellent précis of COP26 for those that want to know more, which concludes with a call to get involved with local protest on Saturday 6th. Worth a read, I think.

Everything has to change

Sorry (not sorry) to have to keep banging on about this kind of stuff, especially when I suspect I am preaching to the converted already... but everything about our way of life is going to have to change, if our children and grandchildren are going to have any kind of life.

If the video from the BBC embedded below doesn't work, here's a link to the story as well: BBC News - Images show decline of California's 'life source'

More street art: Leave the car at home

Always happy to see this guy's street art in the city...

Learning from Apollo 13

One of the few joys of lockdown has been going for a walk and listening to a podcast, something I rarely seemed to have the time to do before. I have particularly enjoyed Louis Theroux's Grounded and, most of all, re-listening to both series of 13 Minutes to the Moon. Everything about the latter is perfect for this listener, from Hans Zimmer and Christian Lundberg's majestic score to Dr Kevin Fong's enthusiastic and knowledgable narration and the wealth of archive material. It's truly an epic listen, and I cannot recommend it highly enough. Series 1 covers Apollo 11, the thirteen minutes in question being the time taken for the powered descent from lunar orbit to the Moon's surface. Series 2 covers the ill-fated, but ultimately triumphant, voyage of Apollo 13.

It struck me, listening to the concluding episode of series 2 last night, that we can all learn from Apollo 13, how to deal with and overcome adversity, however challenging. Here's a quote from Fong's closing monologue that really hit home:

There is so much that we might learn from the people who flew and saved that mission, even today, perhaps especially today.

In the face of crisis, no matter how apparently insurmountable, we must act. We must do so urgently and decisively. We must delegate authority, defer to expertise, and understand where in the system that expertise truly lies. We must know when to lead, and when to get out of the way. We must know when to follow, but learn to take full ownership of the tasks that fall to us. We must act together, across whatever distance, so that the whole becomes far greater than the sum of the parts. And we must never, ever give up, no matter how impossible the future might suddenly appear, because within all of that lies a kernel of hope and determination that might grow into something much more.

This is surely all applicable to any great challenge. It's certainly applicable to how humanity might face a pandemic, and how I wish those that lead us could have been more urgent and decisive in recent times, deferred to expertise, all the rest. But more than that, this kind of thinking needs to be applied to how we address climate change. The Apollo programme, for my money, is our greatest achievement, and the safe return of the Apollo 13 crew represents what can be achieved with decisive leadership, a collective will, co-operation, determination and hope. Preventing our planet from burning is going to be hard but has not become impossible... yet. We just need someone like Gene Kranz to take charge of it...

Stay tuned...

A word from the boss...

View this post on Instagram

David Attenborough has spent a lifetime travelling, exploring the wild places of our planet and documenting the living world in all its variety and wonder. He’s also witnessed the damaged caused. Saving our planet is now a communications challenge. We know what to do, we just need the will. That’s why we want to share this message on Instagram. Because there is hope and together, we can inspire change. Social media isn’t David’s usual habitat so while he’s recorded messages solely for Instagram, like the one in this post, we're helping to run this account. In case you’re wondering, ‘we’ are Jonnie and Colin and we worked with David on A Life On Our Planet. So, as well as sharing the messages he’s recorded especially for this account we’ll also post some exclusive clips and behind the scenes content. Stay tuned.

A post shared by A Life On Our Planet (@davidattenborough) on Sep 24, 2020 at 2:00am PDT

Worth a follow, if Instagram is your bag.

Three questions

Here's your semi-regular reminder that we're all in a whole heap of trouble...

Remember Tony Benn identifying five questions to ask of anyone in power? Well I think we're all going to have to start asking ourselves three questions about everything - everything - we do in life, whether that's the obvious stuff like personal transport choices and energy providers right down to the small stuff, like which brand of loo roll to buy and how ethically your margarine of choice is made. And these are those questions:

1. What's the environmental impact of this decision?
2. How can I reduce that impact?
3. How can I offset what I can't reduce?

We need to ask ourselves (1) about everything we do, especially when it comes to voting. And we need to take appropriate action based on our answers to (2) and (3). I mean, we're probably all buggered anyway, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to turn things around.

Sorry, thanks for indulging me. The usual unstructured waffle abbout music, books and the rest will return soon.

Essential viewing. Absolutely essential.

If you didn't watch Chris Packham's Horizon documentary 7.7 Billion People and Counting last night, well, you need to remedy that ASAP. It isn't always a comfortable watch, but then it isn't a comfortable subject.

The whole documentary is available over on the iPlayer right here, for another 29 days. Oh, and the Population Matters charity that Chris mentions (and that I once published a book in support of) is right here.

Gaslighting the nation

My first and, I promise, last post about party politics and the 2019 General Election...

With all apologies to fans of Hugh Jackman
(and for very hurried, Photoshop-less graphics work)

I suppose you have to have some kind of grudging admiration for Johnson and his Tory-boy chums. I mean, they have learned. They have really learned. Not just from their own past campaigns, and from those of New Labour (when did you last hear the phrase "spin doctor", by the way?), but also from the right-wing upstarts of the Brexit Party and, most of all, from the Republicans' Trump campaign. For right now there is nobody, literally nobody better at repackaging a narrative and peddling it as truth than Johnson et al. Or more accurately, because Boris is not actually as clever as some people once thought, Conservative Campaign Headquarters, CCHQ. Someone there is really earning their 30 pieces of silver.

Take last night's climate debate on Channel 4, an event to which all party leaders had been invited and all bar Johnson and Farage showed up. Now it's easy to see why Farage ducked this - the more the general public see of him, the less they like him. Far better for him to concentrate on blowing his dog-whistle to ensure the continued support of those that already back him; he knows he's not going to win anyone over, least of all on the environment. But Johnson? The man who is, lest we forget, still Prime Minister and leader of the largest party in the last Parliament (and the man whose backers have plenty of investment in fossil fuels, and the man who wants to be best buddies with eco-catastrophe Trump...). For him to duck a debate on what should really be the defining issue of our time? Scandalous. And he was rightly called on it. Social media was awash with the scorn being poured on him for ducking this. #ChickenBoris was trending, and CCHQ didn't like it. What was to be done?

And this is where they earned their money, again. Because, uninvited and unexpected by Channel 4, they sent Michael Gove along at the eleventh hour. And to ensure their preferred narrative could be repackaged and peddled to depict the Tories as the aggrieved party, Gove even had his own camera crew with him; his, or rather CCHQ's, perspective could be captured rather than Channel 4's. Because look, here was Michael, all eager, politely asking if he could be allowed to participate in the climate debate because, after all, he had been Environment Secretary, and wasn't it important for the Conservative position to be heard... well yes, Michael, but if it was so important, why not send the party leader to a leader's debate?

Credit to Channel 4, they played it with a straight bat. The production team were consulted. The other party leaders were consulted. And the answer was, rightly in my view, thank you but no. As you may have seen, they empty-chaired Boris and Nigel, replacing them with ice sculptures that symbolically started to melt during the debate.

And so there should be two stories this morning: one, what the attending leaders actually had to say at the debate; and two, the cowardly non-appearance of Conservative party leader, Boris Johnson. But the whole thing has been repackaged by CCHQ and the public is being told no, that's not a fair depiction of what happened, the things you have seen and read with your own eyes are not correct. Look, enviro-Gove attended the debate but nasty old Channel 4 wouldn't let him in. Don't you see, it's Channel 4 and the other party leaders that were the cowards, for refusing to debate Michael. Oh, and look, we sent Boris's dad along too, to say charmingly baffled things about WhatsApp, in the hope that it might evoke a rose-tinted nostalgia for that time when Boris was on HIGNFY a lot, you know, when he was more popular. Don't believe the truth, people, believe our truth. And if that's not gaslighting, I don't know what is.

Of course this repackaged narrative of the Tories as media victims is also quite handy for legitimising a threat to review Channel 4's public service broadcasting remit (and, by inference, funding). This from the party that has also banned the Daily Mirror from their campaign bus. The message is clear. Report us the way we want or else. That sort of thing reminds me of Soviet Russia. Or 1930s Germany.

The underlying message of this whole sorry story though is...you can't trust Boris. More than that, you can't trust the Conservative party. Whilst Johnson might be their notional leader, he's just a figurehead - witness his squirming response on the further cowardice of dodging the Andrew Neil interview ("Other people than me are responsible for those discussions and negotiations" - Christ, man, you're supposed to be the leader!). And you really can't trust him/them on the NHS. How many new hospitals, really? How many new nurses, really? Not up for sale, really?

I almost started this post by saying I don't have a particular political axe to grind. I'm not trying to get you to vote for a particular party. But I guess I have ended up here, imploring you not to vote for a particular party. Don't be conned. Don't be taken in. Don't vote Conservative.

More than that, though. Do vote tactically. Give our country its best chance of not having a Tory majority or Tory-led coalition. There are three main tactical voting guidance sites, so take your pick of these: remainunited.org, www.tactical-vote.uk and tacticalvote.getvoting.org - unhelpfully, they don't always agree, so visit all three and then use your common sense.

EDIT: Oh, and if you think I'm over-reacting to the manipulation and treatment of "dissenting" media by those in power, I've just read that the i newspaper has been bought by the owner of the Daily Mail... good luck to us all.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly ... news

The good

Jet suit inventor breaks speed record off Brighton beach - innovation, tech and a typical maverick inventor ... what's not to like?

Roger Federer beats Novak Djokovic at 2019 ATP Finals in London - that he can still be this good at 38 should boggle all of our minds.

The bad

Project Nightingale: Google probed over US patient data deal - remember when Google's motto was "Don't be evil"? No, neither do they.

Flooded Venice battles with new tidal surge - Venice is truly wonderful. Go and see it soon because it won't be there in 50 years.

The ugly

A rubbish story: China's mega-dump full 25 years ahead of schedule - there are so many, many ways in which the problems caused by our spiralling global population are manifesting themselves. Awful.

Donald Trump confirms pre-election UK visit - as if we didn't have enough happening on the domestic political scene, without old Tango-face Tiny-Hands rocking up and sticking his oar in. Though would any of the principals welcome an endorsement from this pariah?

Your Capricious Soul

Despite the hoo-ha surrounding the 25th anniversary deluxe edition treatment of Monster, this release from Michael Stipe nearly passed me by. It's his first solo work and R.E.M. fans hoping for Everybody Hurts are going to be disappointed. But have a listen. What do you think?

If you pay to download it from his site, all profits got to Extinction Rebellion, so there's that too.

Oh, and if you're thinking back to Monster and recalling it as a Marmite album, this recent interview with Stipe and Mills is worth a read.

“Maybe we could build a fire, sing a couple of songs, huh?”

I've been trying to write this post for a long time. Ever since the first Blue Friday post, in fact, and that was way back in November, last year. Every now and then, I open the draft and write a few more words, but mostly I just wonder how I can fashion this into something that people might want to read. That's what this blog used to be, mainly: opinion pieces. Not too many people read it back then, certainly not as many as drop by these days to see what YouTube video I've embedded.

I tried to touch on it recently. Well, I say recently, it was September 2017, but I tried to explain my pet theory of Earth as a spring, and how I feel this particular spring was reaching its inelastic point. I should add that I'm not an environmental scientist, and my theory hasn't appeared in any journals, nor has it been peer-reviewed. In fact, the only places it has appeared are here and in the pub. But that doesn't make it any less valid, does it? Maybe, maybe not.

Either way, I need to drag all this up again, sorry. It's just that the pace of change seems to be accelerating, beyond even the more pessimistic estimates. The spring is being stretched, further and faster. Something's got to give. Don't believe me? Here are some notable recent(ish) news stories that you may have noticed:

• 'Climate change moving faster than we are,' says UN Secretary General (BBC News, 10-Sep-2018)
• Plummeting insect numbers 'threaten collapse of nature' (The Guardian, 10-Feb-2019)
• Rain melting Greenland ice sheet 'even in winter' (BBC News, 07-Mar-2019)
• And if you want to model various levels of sea-level change, such as the 7m mentioned in the previous story...
• Water shortages in England 'within 25 years' (BBC News, 19-Mar-2019)
• Dead Philippines whale had 40kg of plastic in stomach (The Guardian, 18-Mar-2019)
• In case you think that's an isolated story
• Population and consumption causing extinction crisis and water shortage (Population Matters, 21-Mar-2019)
• Many British pollinating insects in decline, study shows (BBC News, 26-Mar-2019)

So. Let's have some sort of recap. There is undeniable climate change occurring. Whether you believe it is man-made or not, I don't care, just so long as you accept that it's happening, that's a start. Sea levels will rise. The population is spiralling. But the ecosystem is filling up with plastic, everywhere. An insect apocalypse is coming. There'll be no pollinators left. In other words... there will be more people than ever, with less land for them to live on and less to grow crops on (if we can even pollinate), let alone raise cattle, and drinking water will be a precious resource. It's not hard to imagine that the final roll of humanity's dice will be going to war over food and water, is it?

There is a school of thought that mankind is smart, and that we can invent or innovate our way out of this - the old idiom that necessity is the mother of invention seems to fit, doesn't it? But I can't help but feel that we're waking up too late, and that there are too many vested interests amongst the ruling classes for the kind of action and decisions that need to be taken to actually happen. When you have a political class whose prime objective isn't the national (or global) interest but self-interest, when being populist enough to stay in power is their key driver, what chance is there? And when policy and investment decisions are made to line the pockets of associates and backers... well, that's when the leader of the free world backs increased investment in coal. Heaven help us.

I'm a parent, like many of you, no doubt. I used to think that crunch time would come, not in my life time and hopefully not in that of my child, but I envisaged a difficult life for any grandchildren I might have. But with every new story I read, every new piece of peer-reviewed climate science that is published, the more I start to worry for this generation, the current crop of kids. We talk, at home, about our child's future, how we can ensure the best education, what skills to equip New Amusements Minor with. But on top of the traditional, scholarly pursuits, we've also talked about how we teach skills around growing food, building shelter and self-defence. And that's not because I'm turning into some kind of evangelical prepper, with an "End is nigh" placard and a cupboard full of tinned food, but I do think life is going to have to change, radically, for everyone if anyone is to survive.

So what can we do?

I mean, it's easy to think that we, as individuals, can't affect an impact on a system with 7.7 billion others in it. And maybe that's true. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try. And it doesn't mean we shouldn't spread the word about it too. I expect we've all got low-energy light bulbs and loft insulation, bags for life and reusable coffee cups. That's great. Fuel-efficient, low-emissions cars too. Also great. But none of this is going to be enough. We have to reduce consumption of everything. Recycle and repurpose more. Have fewer children. Use less power, and source what power we do use from renewable sources. We need to grow food, encourage wildlife, pick up litter, don't ask our GPs for antibiotics when we've got the sniffles, cycle more, burn less, actively seek alternatives to single-use plastics, choose biodegradable detergents... Hell, we need to choose life!

All of us. All the time.

It isn't easy. We are all part of the problem, but all must do our best to be some small part of a solution. Otherwise, there is no solution.

Here are some charities that you might want to get behind: Greenpeace • Population Matters • World Land Trust • WWF

I'm also acutely aware that most of you don't come here for a lecture, or even a rallying cry. It's music, books, TV, film, all the usual. So here's a new song, Armatopia, from Johnny Marr, which he described on Radio 2 this morning as being "about ecology". Bright and breezy sounding but it sort of fits - check the lyrics. Oh, and +10 kudos points for anyone who can ID, without Googling, the quote that gives this post its title...

Around all our necks

Look, I know I'm taking a bit of time off active blogging at the moment, but I saw this today and had to share it. I'll be brief.

The perils of our plastic planet are finally, and rightly, big news at the moment. People are waking up to the fact that, if we carry on like we are, we'll all be literally swimming in the stuff before we know it. Last weekend, a leading (if awful) national newspaper had Kirsty Allsopp on the front page of their colour supplement, launching a campaign to get us all to reduce our consumption of plastics. And that's fine, as far as it goes. I've nothing against Kirsty Allsopp (apart from her taste in newspapers). But this is much harder hitting than a picture of Kirsty tearing a hole in a plastic bag.

Sorry if it's hard to watch in places, but we all need to see this. Besides, it's less than four minutes long, so humour me.

White tornado

Only one song for today. When the wind whips up, as it is starting to more and more as I write, I can barely see the far end of the garden.

Get out there and have a snowball fight with someone you love to laugh with. Make snowangels. Shake trees until laden boughs unburden themselves. Pat snowmen into shape. If there are little ones around, make some memories for them. With climate change going the way it is, who knows when we will next see snow like this?

I am at stage four...

...in the five stages of grieving over the climate. Stage four is depression. Where are you?