TLAP: Bear Island Noughty Bear 0.5% IPA

Sigh: another pointless alcohol-free ale review. Anyway, there I was, in a lovely country pub in my old stomping ground, looking for something light to accompany dinner. Behold!

Bear Island Noughty Bear 0.5% IPA

What's it like? Bear Island is the umbrella name given by esteemed Faversham brewery Shepherd Neame to all their alcohol-free offerings, with Noughty Bear (see what they did there?) being their IPA. I was a little tentative, as I haven't always got on too well with some Shepherd Neame ales, despite being a Man of Kent myself. And I was sort of right to be cautious; whilst the tasting notes claimed "the taste of sweet mangos, hints of passion fruit and tart grapefruit", frankly I struggled to detect too much of them. And it's a very dry ale, if you know what I mean. Don't get me wrong, it was inoffensive, and whilst I clearly liked it enough to have two, that was mostly because I was just very thirsty. It's alright, but it won't win prizes.

Would I drink it in a pub? Yes.

Would I drink more than one? At a push.

Would I drink it all night? No, it's too dry.

Stats: 0.5% ABV. Calories 21 kcal/100ml. Currently £20 for twelve 330ml bottles, direct from Shepherd Neame

Stars: ★★★⯪☆

A song, then, to keep my last half dozen readers coming back. Should I go with "nought" or "bear"? How about Bear by The Antlers? All together now, "We're too old. We're not old, old at all. Just too old..."

At dead of night

Don't worry, I'm not about to launch into another series of Cover Charge (too much work, not in the mood). But here is a cover version: Electric Soft Parade with their interpretation of Jealousy by The Pet Shop Boys. It was released on a 2008 compilation Rewind - The 80's Cover Project (which also includes Northern Portrait covering Cliff Richard, can you believe?)

Anyway, here's ESP adding darkness to PSB's already-dark source material. It's right up my street today.

At dead of night, when strangers roam
The streets in search of anyone who'll take them home
I lie alone, the clock strikes three
And anyone who wanted to could contact me
At dead of night, 'til break of day
Endless thoughts and questions keep me awake
It's much too late

Where've you been? Who've you seen?
You didn't call when you said you would
Do you lie? Do you try
To keep in touch? You know you should
I've tried to see your point of view
But could not hear or see for jealousy

I never knew time passed so slow
I wish I'd never met you, or that I could bear to let you go
At dead of night, 'til break of day
Endless thoughts and questions keep me awake
It's much too late

Where've you been? Who've you seen?
You didn't call when you said you would
Do you lie? Do you try
To keep in touch? You know you could
I've tried to see your point of view
But could not hear or see for jealousy

I never knew 'til I met you

Randcamp: Mayday

Searching Bandcamp for "Mayday" again throws up quite a lot of electronica and techno, most of which I swerved in researching this. But here are three other tracks for your spring festival. I trust you gathered greenery and wildflowers last night, to bring in the May?

Wires & Lights are a Berlin-based four-piece who, I'm willing to bet, listened to a fair amount of Joy Division in their formative years.

I think this is a first for me, featuring an artist from Argentina. Ozimov hail from Buenos Aires, which hasn't stopped them evincing the sounds of peak 80s Jean Michel Jarre on their Mayday.

Off to Toronto next, where High wobble on the tightrope between late 90s indie guitars and distressing soft-rock ballsackery, before falling off on the wrong side. In my view.

Three Randcamp choices for your 1st of May. Which, if any, might you still recall by the end of the Bank Holiday weekend?

What headphones were made for

Eighteen years after Weller at the BBC comes another compilation of Beeb TV and radio recordings by the Modfather, imaginatively entitled Weller at the BBC Volume 2. It's a 3-CD set of 48 tracks spanning that period, and it's mostly excellent, occasionally just good. His cover of Billie Eilish's What Was I Made For?, recorded in 2024 for Jo Whiley's Radio 2 Sofa Sessions, is a real highlight, and perfect for a certain state of mind. See what you think.

As someone who, many years ago and in a former life, used to sell hi-fi, I was quietly pleased to note Paul's headphones in this video. They are Beyerdynamic DT 770 PRO and, if you look really closely, you can see they are the 80 Ohm impedance variant, as you might expect in a studio. Let me tell you, these will sound absolutely fantastic. I used to love Beyerdynamic headphones, and they were an easy sell to customers looking at high-end kit - all you had to do was get them to take a listen, and they'd be getting their wallets out. Not cheap, but worth it.

Of course I've long since moved on from the world of hi-fi staff discount, so have to content myself with more modest kit. I have some very cheap unbranded earpods for commuting, which are okay. I also have some Aftershokz AS600 bone-conduction headphones for cycling, but don't use those very often, excellent though they are. For more serious wire-free listening, I have a pair of Sony WH-CH720N Bluetooth cans, which perform some pretty amazing noise-cancelling wizardry whilst also delivering proper sound. Best of all, if I'm at New Amusement Towers and don't mind being tethered, I have a pair of cabled Sony MDR-10RC which, though getting on a bit now, might be the best headphones I've ever had, even if they lack the 720N's out-and-about real-world abilities.

What about you, what are your headphone weapons of choice?

TLAP: Big Drop Brewing Co. Pine Trail Pale Ale

Sorry, I've got naff-all else to write, so here's another alcohol-free ale review. You know how the story starts, of course. Me, in a boutique hotel bar, asking more in hope than expectation if they have any low- or no-alcohol bitter. They had two, one of which I'd had before, so I ordered the other one, which was...

Big Drop Brewing Co. Pine Trail Pale Ale

What's it like? I've featured Big Drop's AF IPA before, and rated it highly, only bemoaning the fact that I sort of forgot I was having a beer. It's the same with this pale ale. It goes down very easily indeed, and has a hint of lime that made it doubly refreshing for the weary cyclist. If you're looking for a strong bitter taste, you might need to look elsewhere. Ditto if you're cash-strapped, as I was charged £5.75 for a 330ml bottle (but then that might have been down to my pretentious surroundings). That said, this ticks plenty of boxes, and I can easily envisage quaffing several on a hot summer's evening.

Would I drink it in a pub? Yes.

Would I drink more than one? Yes.

Would I drink it all night? Possibly (in a cheaper pub).

Stats: 0.5% ABV. Calories 18.5 kcal/100ml. Currently £24.99 for a dozen at Big Drop Brewing Co.'s Amazon store

Stars: ★★★★☆

There's only one song to feature for a pale ale, right? Trouble is, I couldn't decide whether to go for the Velvet Underground original or REM's cover. Bollocks to it, have both.

If I could only keep one of those, I'd take REM's version. I know that's probably heresy, but I don't care.

TLAP: Doom Bar Zero

You know the drill by know: a beer was required to accompany a Friday night pizza. Alcohol was not required. Hence...

Doom Bar Zero

What's it like? This hits the spot pretty well, an amber ale that looks, smells and tastes right. I've talked on here before about the risks of trying to neuter an existing beer but Sharp's have done a good job, replicating the taste of their very successful Doom Bar, whilst removing the headache factor. What of the taste then? The brewery website describes it as "subtle yet complex" so make of that what you will. All I can tell you is that it's a bit fruity, quite moreish and, if you like Doom Bar, this is close enough for you to like too.

Would I drink it in a pub? Yes.

Would I drink more than one? Yes.

Would I drink it all night? Probably.

Stats: 0.0% ABV. Calories 13 kcal/100ml. Currently £2.25 a pop at Sainsbury's

Stars: ★★★★☆

A song, then. Obviously it's going to be Gay Bar by Electric Six, for the child's play rewording that would enable you to sing "Doom Bar" should you feel so inclined. Plus it has a typically barking video, so win-win.

Halfway Home

I've sort of run out of things to blog about. In fact, I'm having one of those periodic losses of mojo that have befallen me a lot in the last few years. What's the point?

Time, then, to fall back on the good ol' YouTube Watch Later list, to see what I might have left there for just such an occasion.

Not much, as it turns out. Seems I have been to the well a few times too many. I mean, I'm loathe to say I'm scraping the barrel, because this is better than that, but it's a handy metaphor for what is probably the last time, for now at least, that I can fall back on the Watch Later list. Henceforth, the cupboard is bare. We're going out with a good'un though, for this is Halfway Home by TV On The Radio, from 2008. It strikes me that this is what Peter Gabriel would sound like in some parallel universe where he was born in 1975 and went to school in Brooklyn instead of Charterhouse.

Blue Friday: No Feeling

I heard No Feeling by American Football (featuring Brendan Yates) on 6 Music the other night. I knew nothing about the Midwest four-piece or the featured guest vocalist, on loan from Turnstile apparently, but the song stopped me in my tracks. Not literally, fortunately, as I was driving, but metaphorically. It's quite something, I think, to write or sing or create something beautiful, poignant and, perhaps, hopeful from such bleak thoughts and feelings.

Whatever; this might not be one to listen to too often, but it is one to listen to. The band are touring their imminent new album LP4, from whence this comes, in the summer and have a smattering of UK dates if you're interested.

There’s nothing new to say or do
There’s nothing new to crave
Tell the doctors I’m done
The kids, “Adieu”
And Mother, “Désolé”
One last goodbye and one last kiss
One last dance with the Goddess Nyx

No feeling
No pain
No one to blame
Forever awaits
It’s just an eternal blank page

Some bones stand on their own
Some bones are carried
Mine are either, neither, or both -
They just ache to be buried

Help me dig a hole!
I’m already cold!
(I honestly never planned on getting old…)

I know you’re waiting for some sign of life but the pain is too much to endure
Goodnight…

One last goodbye and one last wish
One last slow dance with the Goddess Nyx

No feeling
No pain
No one’s to blame
Forever awaits
It’s just an eternal blank page

Look who volunteered to play the fool

This is I Played The Fool by Michael Stipe and Andrew Watt. It's the theme tune to a new Steve Carell-powered comedy series called Rooster which looks intriguing but you need to subscribe to HBO Max to watch it, so who knows? But we get a new Stipe song out of it, so... it's not his finest work, but it is nice to hear his familiar voice singing something new. And the lyrics are resonating with me.

Anyone seen Rooster and know whether it's worth a subscription?

Oh, I
Oh, I
I played the fool

A good guy, bad guy
Punchline, frown
The joke fell flat
I′ll come around
Look who volunteered to play the fool

A sea change came
It knocked me down
I'm setting up
The punchline now
Look who tried too hard to play it cool

Oh, I
Oh, I
Oh, I
Oh, I
Oh, I
Oh, I
I played the fool

Laugh at me
I′m trying, trying
Falling sometimes
Sometimes flying
Cry me an ocean
Of one liners
Cruel, cruel, cruel

Sticks and stones
You know the rhyme
You know it landed
Hard this time
Look who tried too hard to play it cool

We laugh and move on
With our lives
I'm bootstrap pained
But nеvermind
I'll find a way
To rewrite our bеginnings

Oh, I
Oh, I
Oh, I
Oh, I
Oh, I
Oh, I
I played the fool

Laugh at me
I′m trying, trying
Falling sometimes
Sometimes flying
Cry me an ocean
Of one liners
Cry me an ocean
Of one liners
Cry me an ocean
Of one liners
Cruel, cruel, cruel

Use a clothes dryer as a hiding place

I saw this PIF on social media this morning. Dumb Ways to Die was an Australian public awareness campaign made by Metro Trains in Melbourne back in the halcyon year of 2012. It's novel and silly and memorable ... all the things you want from a PIF.

It's also very ear-wormy, with its finger-picking guitar, lo-fi alt vocal and happy slacker vibe. I've been lah-lahing it all day. Now, by the gift of aural infection, I pass it on to you.