Search me

In a idea shamelessly half-inched from the always-excellent Too Much Apple Pie, this post is essentially a round-up of some of the more unusual (for which, read "witless and/or entertaining") Google searches that have found their way to this website. If nothing else, they prove that there's more to Pip's Pages than just this blog. And in the manner of TMAP, I'll offer my replies (for which, read "smart-arsed rejoinders"). Avanti!

Gene does he have a name ...yes - it's Gene.

Do the English call police Pip Pips ...in a word, no.

Pip kid speak German ...okay! Er... Achtung! Milchdrüsen! And thanks for calling a man of my advancing years "kid".

You should always keep in touch with your friends ...yes, you should, and I do try.

Slopping floorboard ...is no way to earn a living.

Gene "does he have a name" ...yes, and it's still "Gene".

Grocery loyalty cards bullshit ...well yes, they are, but they make good emergency scrapers for clearing windscreens on a frosty morning.

Gene touched by the hand of havoc ...wouldn't you be if people kept asking if you had a name?

Irish deer tracks ...will be fossils in the making, since the Irish deer was hunted to extinction, wasn't it?

Gene you will never walk again ...that's nice - you finally remember his name, then you threaten the poor guy.

Is it busy in Norwich tonight? ...yes. Probably.

Gene drawn to the deep end ...well, who wouldn't be, after being forgotten and then threatened...

At the edge of the sea, it's what you want that matters ...at the edge of the sea, keeping your trainers dry when an extra large wave comes in is what really matters.

Acoustic sports car ...electric pedalo! I love this game...

Scream pub Canterbury ...PUB CANTERBURY!

What can you buy a friend boy a wedding present ...you want to buy a friend a boy for a wedding present? Perv.

Pip Nelson Norfolk ...no, Pip's Pages, Internet.

Download Pip instead of Word ...why, what's wrong with Word?

Comparetheparty ...no, compare the meerkat.

Gene is it over? ...Jesus, leave the poor guy alone, will you? He's already been drawn to the deep end...

Norwich prostitute ...not right now, thanks.

Petit cadeau de Don Juan ...Don wants to introduce the ladies to petit Don...

Gene let me move on if I'm a friend ...fine. Abandon the guy in his hour of need.

Gwyneth Paltrow wallpaper ...decorates Chris Martin's bedroom.

Natalie Suliman ...what? Giving poor Gene a rest now, are we?

Cheapest cup tea in Chichester ...so cheap, it doesn't even come with an "of".

Gene welcome to Dover ...it just gets worse and worse for him, doesn't it?