Monday 7 January 2019

None of that stuff

Billy Connolly was on TV a fair bit over Christmas, notably with his Made In Scotland documentary that you can catch on iPlayer here, should you have missed it. Much was made of a section towards the end of part two, in which Billy spoke candidly about getting old and his ongoing struggle with Parkinson's disease. Specifically, he said:

My life is slipping away and I can feel it and I should. I'm 75 and I'm a damn sight nearer the end than I am the beginning. But it doesn't frighten me - it's an adventure and it's quite interesting to see myself slipping away, as bits slip off and leave me, talents leave and attributes leave. I don't have the balance I used to have. I don't have the energy I used to have. I can't hear the way I used to hear. I can't see as good as I used to. I can't remember the way I used to remember. They all came one at at time. Until they just slipped away. Thank you! It's like somebody's in charge of you and they're saying, "Right, I added all these bits when you were a youth. Now it's time to subtract." I can't work my left hand on the banjo. It's as if I'm being prepared for something, some other adventure, which is over the hill. I've got all this stuff to lose first, and then I'll be at the shadowy side of the hill doing the next episode in the spirit world.

Now I'm not sure I subscribe to Billy's idea of the spirit world, but I quite like his approach to this inevitability - you spend a life gaining skills and attributes, and then a death losing them. It seems pragmatic and real to me, though whether I'll feel the same when I'm old and failing, time will tell, I'm sure.

Billy went on to talk about feeling content with his life, and that he had made a mark - "At least when I was creating, I was creating well!" - and he seemed for all the world to be a man at peace with himself, his condition, and what the future might have in store for him. But it wasn't the most uplifting slice of New Year telly, so much so that Pamela Stephenson had to tweet a video message from Billy the next day in which he apologised for depressing fans and reassured us all that he was "not dying, not dead, not slipping away". And he was playing the banjo in the clip pretty well too.

Of course the Beeb hadn't helped matters by scheduling the film What We Did On Our Holiday straight after part two of the documentary. It's a pretty good film (of two halves - first half, very good, second half, not so much), written by Guy Jenkin and Andy Hamilton - yes, the creative team behind Outnumbered. If you haven't seen it, the film pretty much imagines what it would be like if the parents in Outnumbered were getting divorced, except rather than do that to beloved sitcom characters, Guy and Andy created a new family, and cast David Tennant and Rosamund Pike in the Hugh Dennis and Claire Skinner roles. The humour is very similar, and the authentic, often ad-libbed dialogue of the three children that so characterised Outnumbered is all present and correct. Hooray! But I digress. In the film, Connolly plays a septuagenarian with terminal cancer, which was particularly poignant straight after the documentary. I won't say too much more, for fear of spoilers, but there's a scene in the middle of the film where Billy's character, Gordie, has taken his grandchildren to the beach, and is talking to the eldest child, Lottie - she is upset by her parent's imminent separation. Here's the scene.

Yes, Billy is essentially playing a version of himself - yet more pathos. But here's the point (yes, I finally got there) - those lines about what matters and, more specifically, what doesn't really struck a chord with me the first time I saw this film, a few years back, so much so that I sought out the script (it's available in its entirety on the BBC's Writers' Room website). Here are the lines in question:

LOTTIE
Mum and Dad lie so much, I just don’t trust them anymore. They make me so angry.

GORDIE
Well I used to feel that about my lot too. Until I suddenly realised there was no point being angry with people I loved for being what they are. So what if your Dad's a complete and utter shambles... or Uncle Gavin is a bit of a tight-arse... all that social climbing... he can't help himself... any more than his wife can help being scared of her own shadow... or your Mum can help being a bit mouthy... the truth is... every human being on this planet is ridiculous in their own way, so we shouldn’t judge and we shouldn't fight because in the end... in the end, none of it matters... none of that stuff

There have been times in my life when I've struggled with things, with people, with the actions or inactions of people I love. There have been times, frankly, when I've been so weighed down by the black dog that, if I'd gone to see a GP and they'd sat me through a HADS test, well, they conceivably would have been concerned by the results. But I didn't, and I'm still here, still kicking. And stupid as it may sound, some lines from an Outnumbered-esque comedy are part of the reason - they really helped me see things differently. Yes, they're truisms, but I think I needed them spelling out. They certainly helped me to feel, if not happy, then at least happier. So thank you, Guy, Andy and Billy. And a similar posthumous thank you to John Lennon, whose Watching The Wheels has helped me in a similar way too.

You still here? Stop dicking around, get over to iPlayer and watch Made In Scotland.

4 comments:

  1. Lost mojo? I think you've found it Martin!
    So much here to think about and say that I'm not quite sure how to summarise in a comments box.
    But will try...
    I thought 'Made In Scotland' was superb. Like you, I liked his approach and didn't feel his comments about being near the end were depressing, but found the papers quoted him out of context (typical click bait 'Shock horror as Billy Connolly announces he's near the END' stuff) Everything he said was quite reassuring, beautifully honest and very philosophical.
    Ah yes, I remember WWDOOH - an excellent film (but I didn't know anything about Outnumbered as far as I can recall so thanks). Of course Gordie is right about 'everyone on this planet being ridiculous in their own way' and not judging and fighting. A lovely attitude to be able to adopt. And true in many ways - it's like fighting against the tide, against nature, people are flawed and life is all about navigating our way through. And I'm so sorry that the black dog weighs you down at times, and with my own experiences of my mum's long-running clinical depression episodes throughout her adult life, I'm acutely aware of the profound effects it can have and how there is no such thing as being able to "snap out of it". Whatever helps us to see things differently is a very individual thing and we have to hang onto those wherever we find them. I think the change of attitude is key, because so often we can't change anything else. The only caveat to that is when other people's actions or inactions become really detrimental to my state of mind and health, and then it's time to remove myself and/or harden myself up. I experienced this last year going through 6 months of worry and turmoil about the actions and inactions of my father, only to find that it was practically making me ill. All of this and yet he hasn't cared about me for years. There's a time to say enough is enough, this person's ridiculous flaws are damaging me and, ultimately, I've only got me! So I'm out of there now...and learned a valuable lesson!
    I guess that's just the nature of life, we never stop learning.


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    1. No, mojo still absent without leave, but thanks.

      And you do seem to have summarised it pretty well! I think you've nailed it with the phrase "fighting against the tide", whereas really it doesn't matter feels like turning around and going with the flow, letting the tide carry you. And again, yes, change of attitude really is the key. For me, the change was to realise that the path I was on was one I had chosen, so I could either rail against it and feel angry/hurt/down or I could be accepting of it, embrace the positive elements and realise there are bigger things in life. That acceptance is quite hard, mind, and like you say removing oneself might be the alternative.

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  2. I could watch Billy Connolly until the cows come home as he always makes me smile. Yes the headlines were all very alarmist the next day but were taken out of context. He seems to be a man who realises he's had a great crack at life, and is accepting of his current situation. I loved his observation that for him, the world has no glum and grumpy people, as everyone he meets greets him with a smile and a friendly remark or joke - Not many people are lucky enough to get that.

    PS You might want to do a quick edit on the Anderson - I am prone to making the same mistake!

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    1. Indeed, imagine everyone you meet being pleased to see you!

      And thanks, Alyson, edited - Anderson/Stephenson, there's probably something Freudian going on in the part of my brain that controls typing!

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