Fire one more torpedo, baby

I've been a miserable old sod lately. I know, even more than usual, which takes some doing. And with no good reason, not really. I've been thinking, you see, about possibly undertaking a huge physical and mental challenge in eleven months time. It's an exciting prospect, and it really ought to fill me with excitement and optimism.

And, in part, it does. Because, without going into the specifics (see how non-committal I'm being, even here), if I were to undertake and achieve this challenge, well, it would be quite something. Something that most people never do. Something to look back on when I'm old(er) and grey(er). Something for my child to remember, with pride and maybe even amazement, when I am gone. I don't know if it would qualify as a life-changing experience, but I can see how it might be in that neighbourhood, a tiny bit.

So why haven't I signed up already?

There are so many reasons, nearly all of them things that wouldn't have crossed my mind twenty years ago. Time is one. From March onwards, I would have to give up a lot of time to train: whole mornings at first, then whole days, then whole weekends. Oh, and evenings too. That's a lot of time, especially when my time is not all my own these days. Time is the biggest overhead I have at this stage of my life - I am, as the saying goes, time poor. Cash poor too, of course, and that's another problem - there is a financial cost to this challenge. More accurately, there are a number of financial costs to this challenge. Without doing the maths in detail, I would probably spend somewhere between two and a half to three grand on this, more if I couldn't raise the associated sponsorship target and had to make up the shortfall myself. And again, my money is not all my own these days, especially when I've got half an eye on the fact that I'll probably need to buy a new car in four years time.

The biggest reason though, bigger than these two massive considerations, is the fact that I am not the man I was twenty years ago. I know, I know, who is, right? But I have genuine concerns about my ability to complete the challenge, however much I train and however much I invest in fancy kit to help me. And here's the thing, the real nub, the fly in the ointment, the biggest issue: if I sign up, and invest so much into the effort, only to break down partway through the challenge, to fail, I am not at all sure how well I'd handle that. I fear it might be not very well at all.

And no, this isn't just me being a pessimist, and thinking the worst - there's a real chance I couldn't complete the challenge, that my arthritic knee would rebel, that my glass hip would flare up, or simply that my late-forties body just couldn't keep going. Again, who is, but I am not as physically strong, flexible or durable as I was. Mentally, I'm stronger. But for this challenge, I think you'd need both kinds of strength, especially if the weather's inclement.

So at the moment I'm vacillating, oscillating wildly, making lists of pro's and con's. And am still undecided.

If you're wondering where the title for this post comes from, it's this entirely appropriate slice of Kiwi brilliance: