I was in the supermarket yesterday, coming towards the end of my shop. I fancied a bottle of ale for the Sunday evening ahead, and so made my way to the relevant aisle. I stood next to a man in his sixties, who was filling his basket with a fine selection of craft beers. I reached up to take a single bottle - up but not, in my view, across.
"An 'excuse me' wouldn't go amiss," said the other bloke, without turning to look at me.
"I'm sorry?" I replied, not really understanding what he was going on about. He turned to actually look at me then.
"An 'excuse me' wouldn't go amiss," he repeated. Now I was genuinely at a loss as to what I was supposed to have done, and for a moment couldn't think of anything to say, so he carried on. "You reached right across me there, without saying 'excuse me'."
And with that, he turned and walked off before I could even begin to defend myself.
But he wasn't done. From the safety of the far end of the aisle he stopped, turned back to me and called out, "All courtesy is gone!" And then, so was he.
This rankled me, and it's rankled me ever since. Moments before I'd arrived in the beer aisle I passed another shopper just as a punnet of strawberries fell to the floor from his overfull trolley. I immediately bent to pick it up for him, he said "Thanks," and I said "You're welcome." See? I am not a rude person. So the thought that some old boy was going to go straight home from the supermarket and pontificate to his long-suffering wife about the decline of moral standards and the loss of common courtesy, using me as an example, really, really bugged me.
There's only one song to go along with this, isn't there? And I heard it on the radio at the weekend too, which reminded me of how good it is. It's quite fashionable in some quarters to knock Sting, call him pretentious, mock his affectations, all that. He didn't help himself with that album of lute songs either. But I loved The Police and I still have a lot of time for their frontman. I slightly surprised myself by remembering all the lyrics to this too, and had a little radio singalong. Maybe they've stuck with me because they suit my world view, what do you think?
I don't drink coffee I take tea my dear
I like my toast done on one side
And you can hear it in my accent when I talk
I'm an Englishman in New YorkSee me walking down Fifth Avenue
A walking cane here at my side
I take it everywhere I walk
I'm an Englishman in New YorkI'm an alien, I'm a legal alien, I'm an Englishman in New York
I'm an alien, I'm a legal alien, I'm an Englishman in New YorkIf "Manners maketh man" as someone said
Then he's the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they sayI'm an alien, I'm a legal alien, I'm an Englishman in New York
I'm an alien, I'm a legal alien, I'm an Englishman in New YorkModesty, propriety can lead to notoriety
You could end up as the only one
Gentleness, sobriety are rare in this society
At night a candle's brighter than the sunTakes more than combat gear to make a man
Takes more than a license for a gun
Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can
A gentleman will walk but never runIf "Manners maketh man" as someone said
Then he's the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they sayI'm an alien, I'm a legal alien, I'm an Englishman in New York
I'm an alien, I'm a legal alien, I'm an Englishman in New York
So I'm trying hard to suffer ignorance and smile, and keep on being myself. Here's the song.
Yeah, but who has their toast done on one side? That's just weird.
ReplyDeleteI started writing a reply to this, but it turned into a rant... so I'm saving that to use on my own blog. Sadly I am turning into the gent you describe, though it does sound as though your experience was an extreme over-reaction on his part. Even for me.
Maybe only those toasting under a grill, I guess, but yes, weird.
DeleteAnd the thing is, I'm turning into him too, I think. It was just his over-reaction that got me.
Looking forward to your rant post!
That's the kind of thing that really gets under my skin too. In fact a couple of weeks ago I was walking along with my mother in the middle of a deep conversation about my father's then ill health which was worrying us both at the time. As we walked along, someone had to pause and step to one side to allow us to pass along the pavement (though that someone's daughter or younger friend had no such concern and simply sped up causing us to pause for a second instead) and we passed, still with me trying to allay my mother's fears. The moment we passed the woman, I started to turn to offer my thanks but was beaten to it by a terse 'YOU'RE WELCOME!' before she stomped off after her young companion.
ReplyDeleteSome people, I think, just want to be angry or, at least, to have an excuse to be angry.
DeleteExactly. I think that's sadly the nub of it. People go out of their way to be like that
DeleteThis sort of thing really gets to me too. It's the injustice, I think, the fact that someone has perceived us as some sort of selfish, impolite git when we know we're not!
DeleteHow could they get us so wrong? And then it makes you question yourself. I had a very similar experience to Mark's here - a couple who did the "you're welcome" thing because they had to stop walking side-by-side in order for us to all pass each other, rather than me hanging back to let them through. I probably would have done that normally if it hadn't been for the fact that I had just seen the woman in front of me drop something out of her bag onto the pavement and she hadn't noticed, so I was trying to catch up so I could pick it up and give it back to her! Oh the irony.
We just can't win.
DeleteWhat's worrying is the way these random encounters stick with us afterwards- and the amount of time you spend thinking about how you should have handled the situation while grinding our teeth.
ReplyDeleteI know, it's still bugging me now. Gah!
DeleteI feel your pain. Why is it that a single bad experience like this can easily come to negate every positive thing that happened in the same day? Like Swiss Adam, I can still be stewing hours later.
ReplyDeleteI know, it's like we can't help but dwell on the negative.
DeleteBeen redirected here from Rol's place - Yes I agree with everyone above. These kind of things can hurt, because of the unfairness of it all, but unlike my younger self (who would have taken the slight and stewed), I tend to speak up for myself nowadays and clarify a misconstrued situation rather than let it go.
ReplyDeleteAs for the song, I do really like it although I have noticed that Sting doesn't put in an appearance very often on the various blogs - I still have much to learn!
Featuring Sting would, as Rol puts it, "irk the musos".
Delete